Reactive Attachment Disorder

“99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane” by Brita St.Clair is one of my favorite parenting books for kids with attachment issues. If you’re living with a child with attachment issues you will understand when I say that there are days when you just want to scream or pull your hair out. You are not sure if your child is insane, if you are, or both. You think there is no way you are going to make it through the day. You have had all you can take of the lying, stealing, destruction, food hoarding, or all of the above. 99 Ways takes a humorous look at a way to change things up and make you laugh, make your child laugh, or both… [more]

I ran across a very good article, or at least part of it, in the November/December 2007 issue of Fostering Families Today magazine. Part of the story is missing because I tore out another story about a friend and mailed it to her. The article is about the impact of a traumatized child on a family. We often talk about trauma’s impact on a child, but bringing that traumatized child into a family will have repercussions, no matter what the family dynamic is. This was a consideration in our family recently. Someone had asked me to do respite for a little girl very close in age to my own Hannah. I have been working with this family for several years and this little… [more]

Sometimes people ask me “How will I know when my child is attached?” That is one of those questions that doesn’t have a single answer. First of all attachment is a marathon, not a sprint. Your child does not suddenly become attached over night. It is a gradual process and you may be able to pinpoint when something in your relationship changes, but chances are you will not know the exact moment when it happens. The other issue is that all kids are different, even if they have the same parents. Even in biological children there are vast personality differences and interests. Genetics or parenting does not solely determine who or what a child will become. Kids with attachment issues have usually… [more]

I just received a phone call from my son in his residential treatment center. He is singing a familiar tune that goes “It’s not my fault.” If you are the parent of a child with attachment issues, you are very familiar with this tune. Everyone is at fault but your child. I have heard this tune in so many forms it doesn’t even phase me anymore. I don’t even argue about it because it is pointless. Last weekend Sammy received two days of restriction at the treatment center because, “Some of the other residents said I had a bad attitude while I was working.” A bad attitude reported by other residents isn’t going to earn him two days of restriction but trying… [more]

Transitions are so hard for our kids. They have been through so many of them and just when they get used to a routine, things change again. Even when the change is a good thing, it is still upsetting for our kids. I work a seasonal job, and one of the women I work with has two children with Fragile X Syndrome. While I don’t fully understand the disorder that her children have, I can empathize with the struggles that she is having with the school system in regards to her daughter. Her daughter has a new teacher and the teacher is fresh out of college. There is nothing wrong with that, but the teacher has been undergoing some training, which has taken her… [more]

When I first read this book, I felt that Nancy had been watching my family through a hidden camera and then wrote about it. It was the first book I was given on attachment disorder and it was the first time that I felt that I was not insane and that there was hope for my son. The sense of relief was overwhelming. If you’re not familiar with Nancy Thomas,she is not a therapist, but is a mom who has lived with several severely emotionally disturbed children. She has lived our life. One criticism of Nancy’s book is that it seems very regimented, bordering on abusive. This can be true because the book does not convey Nancy’s personality, love of children and fun… [more]

My son is in his third residential treatment center in as many years. He’s also been in juvenile detention, shelter care (non-secure custody) and treatment foster care. We are familiar with transitions and start to see emerging patterns with our son. One of the largest problems with all these placements is that they are used to dealing with parents who are not advocates for their kids. Many of the parents are not involved in their children’s lives and certainly don’t advocate for them. In all the various placements that my son has been in, I have only seen other parents a handful of times. When we try to get answers about our son it can be quite difficult. Each of these… [more]

My husband and I have a 15 year old son, Sammy, who is in his third residential treatment center (RTC) in as many years. He stabilizes in a center and the center then tries to do a step down to a less restrictive environment and once he’s in that less restrictive environment, his behavior heads downhill quickly. He’s at the “stable” point now and the center is talking about transitioning him to their version of a treatment foster home, which is quite far from the treatment center and also from our home. For our kids, transitions like this are beyond scary. It upsets their entire world. My son is also smart enough to know that the pattern of his behaviors, and I am… [more]

We have parent/teacher conferences in our school today. These will be routine for Hannah, but a parent who has a child with attachment issues can dread these conferences. I have been through many of them with my son. Chances are you will be faced with one of two things. 1) Your child is extremely charming at school and the teacher will think you are nuts if you try to describe difficulties at home. 2) You will have bobble head syndrome as you nod up and down about all the things your child is trying at school because you are dealing with the same issues at home. Each scenario is equally frustrating. In the first case, your child has shown the school the sweet side that you wish you’d see… [more]

No matter where you live, school is in full swing by now. Some of you have probably gotten nasty letters or notes from school already. At one point in my son’s elementary school career I swore the school had us on speed dial. I did the battle with my son. He did his homework, I checked it and had him do corrections. We fought tooth and nail. I was determined that he was going to succeed in school, but the determination was only on my part. I did the dance until I met our attachment therapist, which was five years after he joined our family. We discussed why we kept doing this thing that wasn’t working. My determination for him… [more]