Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog
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02/14/08

The fallout after four days of Disneyland respite

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 08:12 am , 581 words, 1330 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?, Fakey fakey fakey

Yesterday was spent traveling home to Kansas after my endoscopic surgical procedure in Indianapolis. I awoke this morning at 5 AM with a migraine—no surprise there, after general anesthetic, a little extra stress (although I wasn’t really worried about this at all) and a completely out-of-sync sleep schedule. My throat still hurts but it is better. I had dinner with my doctor the day after my surgery (he's a long time friend), and he mentioned he wasn’t sure the big tube... more


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12/30/07

Not attaining your definition of success does not mean you failed

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 03:33 pm , 712 words, 624 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

My cousin Trina and her kids left this morning, and I have spent the last four hours putting away Christmas decorations. I just ironed a huge new tablecloth for my dining room table, only to decide it didn’t match the wallpaper, so I put it back in the original wrapper and will return it next week. What an exercise in futility.

Trina and I spent much of yesterday sewing and cutting out fleece patterns to make clothing for the girls and me. I told her I would sew today, but haven’t gotten to it yet. She calls me periodically as she is driving home, and inquires if I am sewing... more

11/16/07

Shoot the messenger ... again

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 06:44 am , 686 words, 336 views  
Categories: Should I seek help?

Well, the fur is a’flyin’ over on the community board I anonymously mentioned a couple of days ago. I have been blasted for all manner of things:

• Most notably, they are angry that I “cross-posted.” But I didn’t … I did describe a scenario I read about on that board, but I mentioned no names, did not quote the post, and did not name or link the board. Based on their logic, anything anybody reads on that board can never be used in... more

11/10/07

Celebrating life

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 10:46 pm , 666 words, 139 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

I have a houseful of people this weekend. Stephanie is home for the first time since she traveled with us to meet Dora two months ago. Steph is accompanied by her boyfriend, Sean. Kyle and Marie are home as well. We are celebrating Beth’s 11th birthday a few days early.

I have been cooking for several days straight: two batches of Oreo Ice Cream dessert, homemade Chex snack mix (Kyle loves it hot from the oven), homemade trail mix, corn casserole, potato casserole, two large loaves of homemade sourdough bread, angel food cake dessert, Jello salad; ham and egg... more

09/18/07

Breaking the negative cycle

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 05:32 pm , 441 words, 156 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

I spent nearly ninety minutes in the rocking chair yesterday with Dora, processing where we’ve been these past three weeks, and where we need to go. She did her morning chore well, for the first time in days. (In fact, she did it correctly this morning, too. She’s acquired more practice on animal clean-up duty today as she tackled the round pen where the horse now resides!)

We talked about how her passive/aggressive behavior rises up whenever she feels like a “throwaway kid”. We talked about her inherent worth, her many gifts and talents, and her right... more

08/17/07

Thank goodness for safety nets

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 09:34 am , 441 words, 134 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

safety netBeth and I didn’t end up going to the Chief’s game last night. She had a mini-meltdown … the stress of the first day of school was a bit much for her. I was not sure keeping her out late last night was a great idea to begin with, and her meltdown only confirmed my fears. So my husband went and Beth and I stayed home. It was good that we did, as we had a fierce thunderstorm and I had several very antsy dogs to handle.

I learned through the family grapevine last night that apparently Amy does, indeed, have a safety net... more


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08/09/07

More on positive or negative input

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 10:36 am , 547 words, 99 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

GracieYesterday morning I dropped off the puppy, Gracie, at my vet friend’s clinic … she was spayed. (Boy, it is sure different than 25 years ago!) One would think with as many dogs as I have running around here, I wouldn’t miss just one, especially short term. But going back to Katherine Leslie’s “measure behavior on two different scales—positive and negative”, I have to say Gracie is pretty much a positive, and when she is not here, her absence is noted.

So... more

07/15/07

Disrespectful teens--raise the bar

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 01:39 pm , 602 words, 219 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?, Teenagers

raise the barIt amazes me how many people assume teenagers have some inherent right to be nasty and disrespectful simply because they are teens. How often have you heard a parent dismiss and ignore disruptive and ugly behavior with the comment, “Teenagers! There’s nothing you can do with them!”

I beg to disagree. I don’t think there is any age where it is acceptable and appropriate for one person to treat another person badly, simply because they are “at that age”. Toddlers can learn appropriate ways of responding and controlling... more

07/05/07

Spell it out for me please

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 04:16 pm , 918 words, 121 views  
Categories: Parent issues or child issues?

faithI grew up way before “sexual harassment” was a word in schools or the workplace. Where wolf whistles and up-and-down looks were just part of having two X chromosomes. I was also fortunate to grow up in the kind of family I talked about in this post—the “right” kind of family where I had a good sense of who I was and believed that most folks were trustworthy and would deal straightforwardly with me. My parents were scrupulously honest... more

07/03/07

Resentment rides high

Posted by : Nancy Spoolstra in Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog at 08:35 am , 526 words, 117 views  
Categories: Support, My family, Parent issues or child issues?

resentmentOne of the comments on my previous post (about how hard it can be to maintain a loving attitude) was about a 3½ year old child “monitoring” the older RAD child. And that same comment talked about how the mom paid if she let her guard down for one moment; how the child had zero comprehension about giving back to the family (but rather expected to be waited on hand and foot) even though he had spent all his life in that... more

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