Both Kyle and Stephanie have checked in lately with Amy. Kyle called before any of us knew what was happening, and he was shocked at the abrupt and chilly reception he received. Of course, he was at that time clueless why Amy was responding in such a fashion, but it made more sense to him as the events of this past week unfolded.

Steph called Amy Monday night and the conversation went nowhere. Steph described Amy as "hard" all the way through the conversation. No surprise, I am painted as the major bad guy for interfering in Amy’s life, with a partial nod to my husband’s... more

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All the time I was talking, this poor young man sat there on the curb, looking so dejected and forlorn. What I had said was so different from what he had been told by Amy. His mom relayed to me in a subsequent phone conversation that this young man had mentioned that I said I loved Amy, but that I seemed at times to be very... more

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I told him that few kids had experienced the degree of support and effort in and towards their lives that Amy had experienced. I told him that she was no where near willing to pick up the reins for her own life, and if he did, he would one day find himself in the position of having to do exactly what he was fighting so hard against right now … leave her to be responsible for herself … or not …

I gave... more

I had another blog written for tonight and ready to “drip” out but breaking news has preempted that post. Everything I had hoped to avoid is starting to unfold here …

I returned from doing errands today to find a message on my answering machine. “If you are the mother of Amy Spoolstra, or if you can tell me how to find her, would you please call me back?” With great trepidation (something I realized I hadn’t felt for over a year and hadn’t missed at all) I called the number. It was a mom … a very worried mom. Seems her 21-year-old son moved in... more

Last night I fixed one of our family favorites for dinner … barbecued pork on the grill. Although little in life ever revved Amy’s motor, I would have to say that eating this particular meal probably came the closest to getting a reaction. Not enough that it ever had any motivating capability, but I do think it was “pleasurable” to her in whatever sense she defines that word. So as I was preparing it, I thought of her … of the dialog and commenting that has been occurring on this blog about her lack of responsibility for her life,... more

I think it is only fitting that I add a post script to this series of blogs by telling you about seeing Amy yesterday. I haven’t seen her since May, nor heard from her. Apparently she has changed her phone number, but I wasn’t told. That’s fine, she’s not the first one of my kids to do that.

As I mentioned previously, she hadn’t paid a nickel of rent since taking up residence in her apartment last September. The first six months rent were paid in advance, as arranged by my husband, using money we made her save (direct... more

I played catch up all day after the conference, trying to do mounds of laundry, put ATN money in the bank, drop off and pick up Stephanie from work (her car was in the shop) and for the last two hours, talk to two moms. Here it is after dinner and this is the very first chance I have had to sit down and blog. Earlier today I did a three-way call with a contact I made at the NACAC conference and one of his friends (a woman I met several years ago), and on that call I ranted and raged about families not getting services and families... more

There are several conferences that occur every year that I would love to present at, but finances preclude me from doing so. It costs between $500 and $1000 each time I travel somewhere to present, and the ATN budget doesn’t come close to allowing that. One of those conferences is the American Adoption Congress annual conference. I spoke there a few years ago. It is a conference that is supposedly aimed at all three members of the triad, but there are far more birthmoms and adult adoptees... more

One of the conference attendees I met at the NACAC conference was an adult adoptee, not too many years younger than I. I’ll call her Mary. She was a Florida native and her early history unfolded in that same state, in an era when foster parents were not allowed to adopt and even less was known about attachment, bonding and child development. She is currently a GAL, or Guardian ad Litem, working in the child welfare arena.

When she was an infant, she was placed in a foster home that consisted... more

Beth was quite the hit at the NACAC conference last week. She was outgoing and charming without being manipulative. She had most of the other exhibitors eating out of her hand, and showed me on the plane ride home the light-up pin given to her by “the Pin Man”. At a reception held on Thursday night, she played pool with a couple of “older” boys, and proudly informed her dad via telephone that she won one game! In response to his question of “How many games did you play?” she didn’t hesitate to say, “Twenty!” The next day, even more... more