The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study is an ongoing evaluation of the effects of less-than-optimal childhoods on adult mental and physical health. I am fascinated by this study, for it is proving to be a good indicator of the price our society pays for not addressing the needs of our children when they are still children! How many of us have lobbied and begged and pleaded and cajoled and threatened and sued our schools and mental health professionals in an attempt to get them to sit up and... more

I receive a steady stream of electronic newsletters. There’s the Children’s Bureau Express and the publication that originates from the Evan B. Donaldson Institute. The Child Information Gateway has an e-newsletter. And here’s one called the NRCFCPPP (National Resource Center... more

A few days ago, the Kansas City Star ran a story about a public charter school in the northeast section of Kansas City. The principal has "discovered" a unique technique that appears to have improved reading scores and helped the children focus. What is this miraculous approach? Yoga!

The article states the children “flop down on the floor and fold their legs like pretzels.” For a half an hour they “stretch, inhale, exhale and relax.” The... more

I am exhausted tonight after being on my feet and speaking for three hours. I spoke to a group of foster parents in February and they were hungry for more, so tonight was the encore presentation. The presentation was two hours but there were some great questions afterwards.

I continue to be blown away by the misinformation or complete lack of information that still exists in the world of adoption, foster care, and attachment. One dad told me about his brother/sister sib set of foster kids, ages 6 and 7. Apparently... more

My cousin Trina is visiting me this weekend. She arrived accompanied by two of the cutest boys one could lay eyes upon. Her oldest son is 7 years old, and the baby is about 7 months old. The baby is so happy… he so personifies how life is supposed to go for a baby. Rarely have we seen him fuss, and when he does he has a good reason. He settles quickly, because he knows his mom is there for him all the time. Trina does a fabulous job of responding to his cues. She hears his cries when I hear nothing, and I have very acute hearing… so this reminds... more

Continued from here

I also think the definitions of success and the expectations of a relationship vary from person to person. While we can all look at a family where the child is clearly rude, disrespectful and ugly to be around and acknowledge that those parents are not having much fun, it can be tougher to assess a family where things are less overtly out of whack. If an intimacy-fearing child lands in a family... more

Continuing with my thoughts on why some people are reluctant to acknowledge the issues adoptees face…

Not only do I think people in general are reluctant to address negative emotions, I think adoptive parents, who often have suffered the grief and loss associated with infertility, are perhaps even more inclined to want a “Beaver Cleaver” parenting experience.

I was fortunate enough to have two healthy biological children when we started on our adoption journey. When things didn’t work out for me with my fairy tale ideals,... more

Part One

Continuing on with my thoughts on the steel box with a velvet lining…

It is my opinion that when we don’t have reasonable, and yes, perhaps even high expectations of our kids, we are sending messages of incompetence and we are undermining our child’s confidence. I blogged about it before; one post is here.

Our... more

Continuing on the discussion about some of the parameters for parenting traumatized kids…one thing I hear often that really, really bothers me is the concept that structure and nurture cannot coexist. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some people who read Nancy Thomas’s literature but do not have the opportunity to see her in person often miss the incredible amount of nurture and caring that exudes from her. I doubt I have met a more caring, compassionate... more

Last weekend I received an email from a mom at her wit’s end. That in itself is no rare occurrence… but this one was a little different from the rest. Not the first one of this nature I have received, but not the usual scenario either.

This was a mom with a biological son who was born with a congenital birth defect that required several surgeries. Usually this particular problem is fairly easily corrected, but this mom’s child had the additional difficulty of having a clotting disorder as well. So the surgeries became very... more