A reader asked what Amy was like as a child and what behaviors concerned us early on. This is a good question and a difficult one to answer… not because I don’t know the answer, but because it is painful to remember our struggles that originated so early on and never really resolved. Amy was 21 months old and weighed about 21 pounds when she arrived. She was a beautiful child, notwithstanding the dour face and perpetual pout she wore from the very beginning. I was completely clueless about attachment, grief and loss. I... more

Part One

Continuing on with my thoughts on the steel box with a velvet lining…

It is my opinion that when we don’t have reasonable, and yes, perhaps even high expectations of our kids, we are sending messages of incompetence and we are undermining our child’s confidence. I blogged about it before; one post is here.

Our... more

Perhaps some of you are tired of my canine reporting, but since I am up to my eyeballs in barking, playing, slipping, sliding, ball dropping dogs… it is very hard not to think about them AND very easy to draw parallels in their behavior with the behaviors of our kids.

Zoë, I have decided, spent her first 1-2 years tied up outside somewhere. Either she received some socialization or she is just a friendly, social dog. But she has NO manners whatsoever and thinks nothing of planting her feet on my back when I least expect it. She's a fast learner and... more

We interrupt our regular programming to provide you an update here at Canine Central. I must say, even as a dyed-in-the-wool dog lover, I am looking around here wondering what the heck I have done!

Zoë has the demeanor of having died and gone to heaven. She just polished off her second meal of the day. She walked over three miles with me. She and Ben have figured out how to play. She loves the puppy to pieces and clearly misses her own pups (I can tell she has had a litter) because she is cleaning and boxing this puppy... more

A reader asked how Beth responded to our animals and the concept of “rescuing” them. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I did a mediocre job of preparing her for and explaining the circumstances around the loss of Lexie. She also knows Zoë would have been put to sleep if we hadn’t grabbed her when we did. Beth is a very deep thinker and I know she is processing it. She is a child who takes it in, chews on it awhile, and then asks very intelligent and probing questions about the conclusions she makes. She is still in the chewing... more

I have wanted to give you all an update on my new pooches, and a reader’s prompt to know the latest was all the encouragement I needed. I really did wonder if I was boring you with my family drama… but I decided we all have some of the “normal” drama in our families and to only dwell on the really “out there” drama was unrealistic. Besides… many, many of the folks I have met on this journey are avid animal lovers and probably for good reason… our animals fill our tanks unconditionally and if anyone needs tank-filling, we parents of attachment-challenged... more

Nancy Deren’s comment on my previous blog was also quite illuminating. I agree, it must be very difficult for Amy to observe Beth and think “I could have had that too.” And I would be the first to say that different genetics and different choices are what created such a diverse response in my two daughters. This gets me back to the age old chicken-or-egg controversy. There is no way I can adequately describe the Herculean effort I made to get Amy to understand... more

I’ve had some really great comments and private emails about my conditioned responses and negativity towards Amy as described in my last couple of posts… A dear friend and very wise mom sent me these words of wisdom today:

I wonder if her behavior has less to do with entitlement and more to do with her inability to perceive the world as the majority of people do. Her personality is such that she watches the world rather then participates. She wants to fit but despite good modeling, has no clue how to do that.

Amy... more

Amy joined us again last night for dinner. I fixed everyone’s favorite foods… dishes Amy doesn’t get to eat as often as she used to. Julie, our foreign exchange student, helped me prepare dinner while Beth kept the new pup busy. After dinner Beth was still on pup duty after helping clear the table. Julie was clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, her usual chore. Amy began helping her, but made the comment that she “knew what it was like doing all the work while everyone else disappeared.” This comment was not made in my earshot but... more

It has been quite the busy weekend here at Spoolstra Manor. Kyle and Marie flew in for the weekend and accomplished a most exciting task… they signed a contract to purchase a townhome and move here at the end of this year. How exciting to have it official that our “kids” are moving back close to us!

Amy joined us both yesterday and today as well. Her demeanor was appropriate yesterday, although her attire was not. My husband defined her “look” as something one would see in “the Hood”. (Side bar here… last night while waiting for a table... more