Well, the fur is a’flyin’ over on the community board I anonymously mentioned a couple of days ago. I have been blasted for all manner of things:

• Most notably, they are angry that I “cross-posted.” But I didn’t … I did describe a scenario I read about on that board, but I mentioned no names, did not quote the post, and did not name or link the board. Based on their logic, anything anybody reads on that board can never be used in... more

In the previous post I talked about how some families are so overwhelmed they simply can’t do anything but endure. Complicating their state of being completely overwhelmed is their unwillingness to address the “elephant in the living room” because then they would have to do something about it.

I have discussed this phenomenon with many people and there is always one example I provide that most illustrates this... more

In the last several posts, I have been discussing the dynamics in our families that result in crisis situations. Some of the information has been drawn from Jodee Kulp’s book Families at Risk, and some has been from my own experiences. In this post I’d like to examine why parents are reticent to ask for help.

Sometimes, families simply don’t know how truly pathological their situation has become. In their effort to deal with... more

While in my previous blog I admonished you to beware the antiquated advice, sometimes the old folks really have it right. Also at my workshop last night was an 85-year-old woman, the mom of one of the foster dads also present. This wise elderly lady approached me after the talk and wanted to discuss a personal situation. Apparently this woman lived next to a dad/stepmom family that included a 14-year-old boy. This boy was apparently already dabbling in crime, handling knives, etc. Stepmom was parenting him the same way she had... more

Continued from here

I also think the definitions of success and the expectations of a relationship vary from person to person. While we can all look at a family where the child is clearly rude, disrespectful and ugly to be around and acknowledge that those parents are not having much fun, it can be tougher to assess a family where things are less overtly out of whack. If an intimacy-fearing child lands in a family... more

Continuing with my thoughts on why some people are reluctant to acknowledge the issues adoptees face…

Not only do I think people in general are reluctant to address negative emotions, I think adoptive parents, who often have suffered the grief and loss associated with infertility, are perhaps even more inclined to want a “Beaver Cleaver” parenting experience.

I was fortunate enough to have two healthy biological children when we started on our adoption journey. When things didn’t work out for me with my fairy tale ideals,... more

Today was one of those days when I didn’t stop running from one thing to another. My sick Rottie is feeling sicker thanks to the meds that are supposed to make her feel better. I had a carpet cleaner come today to address the devastation left by a vomiting Rottie (after I spent an obscene amount of time this morning trying to clean up numerous spots myself.) She ralphed again an hour after he left… sigh. We went from 70 degree weather yesterday to gale force winds and high 30’s today, and flash floods last night. I finally got... more

Before I start telling you about the big topic of conversation at the ATTACh conference, I want to share something I observed at church this morning…

We worship at a very large church. Although there were only 400 members when we started attending, there are somewhere around 16,000 now! This growth has occurred over the past 12 years. Anyway, there were lots of people leaving church today around noon. As we headed towards the door, I heard a “squeak, squeak, squeak!” I followed the sound and observed a little girl toddling... more

There have been some awesome answers to my query on the FRUA Board. I must admit, I had a two-fold reason for asking… actually more than two reasons. I really wanted to hear how parents defined “successful attachment” in their homes. I wanted the folks who remain in that denial stage to hear how other people define attachment, as I am often discounted as way too overzealous. (Perhaps I am, but I know what happens when you continue to live in that river called De-Nile.)... more

In addition to asking, “How do you know if your child is attached?” here, I also queried the readers of the FRUA board. There have been some wonderful responses, and I have permission to share a few of them with you. I was going to cut and paste individual comments, but when I started with the first one, the information was so awesome I decided to share it all with you:

The behaviors I don't see with my daughter anymore -- in other words,... more