When Beth came into our lives, she was not a healthy child. We had her assessed by an attachment therapist, but we could easily see her manipulation skills and many of her issues without needing a therapist to point them out to us. We had already spent considerable dollars on the mental health issues of our other adoptees, so we were reticent to sign up for significant unknowns in terms of our financial (or emotional) future.

To that end, we attempted to facilitate the adoption of Beth through the social welfare system.... more

All this talk about false allegations of abuse has brought up so many fond memories. One of the readers asked how many times I had been accused? So I thought I would try and remember those momentous occasions.

The first time was when we still lived in Indiana. Amy was a preschooler. She played the victim quite effectively. I can’t even remember what the complaint was specifically, or even how it evolved. I think we received a call from social services but it died pretty fast. But of course, it was scary and very stressful.

Another... more

I wish I had some guaranteed, magic advice to give those of you who live under the constant threat of being accused of child abuse … advice on how to avoid such a painful and horrible experience. Been there, done that … repeatedly. Fortunately each of our many investigations pretty much went nowhere, but not for lack of trying on the part of social services.

However, I have heard countless stories from families who were not nearly so fortunate. I have seen families financially, emotionally and physically destroyed from... more

One of the reader comments in response to “What would you like me to talk about?” focused on the ever-present specter of getting hotlined for “suspected abuse” and having your kids taken from you. Actually, the reader stated it more in terms of “Us” and “Them” and sadly, I couldn’t agree more with her choice of words. I would like to think this particular aspect of parenting traumatized and abused kids would be getting better—meaning... more

I am incredibly, incredibly tired today. I don’t hit the wall often but when I do, it ain’t pretty. If I had to lead the YMCA dance as the Chief today... we'd be in trouble.

I dropped my daughter and the neighbor kids at school this morning at 8:30 and headed to Emporia, Kansas where I did another presentation. This time it was for an umbrella organization for all of Kansas, encompassing the larger private organizations that provide the services for our state social services. Kansas is privatized… so different contractors bid for the “privilege”... more

Today I gave the PowerPoint presentation I spent all last Friday creating. I spoke to private adoption agency personnel from around the Kansas City metro area. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect today… I didn’t know if it was all private agencies, or if there would be representatives from our social service departments. Social services didn’t like me much when I lived here before… (but frankly, it was mutual!)

I am happy to say the talk went very well. I walked them through my life experiences with children who had serious... more

In my previous post I mentioned Beatitude House, an attachment program located in North Carolina. A booklet created by Fawn and Matthew Bradley entitled Had we known then what we know now… addresses the disparity between expectations and reality that often occurs when one adds a traumatized child to one’s family.

One section in this booklet quotes many parents as having stated:

We would have felt less isolated if we had found professionals... more

Our local news last night featured a very interesting story. Well, it wasn’t the feature… the main story was about the gunman who shot and killed two people last Sunday at a local mall that is about 20 minutes from my home. I spent all day yesterday at the office of the Mental Health Association of the Heartland, working... more

Like the reader who commented on my last blog, I am interested in learning more about the Virginia Tech shooter. I heard something this morning about how he never gave anyone eye contact and wore sunglasses all the time, even indoors. Gee, do we ever talk about eye contact when addressing issues of esteem, intimacy, respect and social awareness?

Yesterday I heard an interview with Rich Petrone, the stepfather of one of the Columbine High School victims. He refuted the popular (but incorrect) belief that the Columbine... more

This morning Beth and I loaded up two of the five dogs and joined the fairly newly formed Kansas City Hiking Club for a 4+ mile trek. We came home and extracted ticks from Beth (Frontline will take care of the dogs!) and showered and ate and soon will be taking a nap. The BC’s are napping but Zoë and Gracie are romping, as they haven’t burned off any energy yet. Zoë is looking like a different dog already… she’s put on weight (not feeding tapeworms anymore) and is starting to believe her fortune really has changed.

I will... more