This morning on the FRUA list a mom asked a question that prompted me to write a blog about my answer… This mom’s preschool-aged child would lash out at whoever else was around whenever the little girl made a mistake or a poor choice. Mom was worried this was a harbinger of “It’s not my fault” in the years to come… Another poster recognized this was probably a “blame and shame” issue… the little girl was ashamed of her mistake and therefore redirected ownership—no blame, no shame.

Unfortunately,... more

While my family was traveling yesterday, we stopped at a restaurant for dinner. As we were leaving, a dad and two kids were going out the door ahead of us. Mom and one or two more kids were getting their coats on inside the restaurant. Suddenly one of the kids yells “DON’T LEAVE ME!” His mom was there with him, but he didn’t want Dad going out the door without him…

Junior basically berated Dad for not waiting. Dad apologized… and I reflected on how that scene would have played out differently in my family.

If one... more

One of the constants in my life as I deal with other parents…whether online, in person, or wherever…is the tendency of many parents to explain away negative behaviors in their children. “Strong-willed” or defiant tendencies are excused as necessary to having survived a difficult beginning, or perhaps as evidence of leadership qualities in the future. Rarely is attachment, trust or reciprocity cited as factors in a child’s repeated defiance and resistance to adult authority.

During my earlier years of parenting Amy, I often... more

I have several things straining to pop out of my fingers on the keyboard… subjects I want to write about. I just need to find a moment to sit down and make it so.

I had my weekly Disciple Bible study this morning and wish I was doing a better job of being prepared for it. I also had the responsibility of bringing snacks, and I have a “thing” for making quick breads. I grew up on my mom’s banana bread and still make a slightly altered version of that to this day. One day I Googled quick breads because I wanted to try some new ones. I... more

My morning started off literally with a bang as Ben, the newbie canine, burst into my bedroom. He figured out how to push through the dog run dog door, and now he is using his newfound knowledge to burst through doors in the house as well! Applied logic… ain’t it grand? So how come some of our kids struggle with this? Granted, Ben is a Border collie, so that makes him eligible for a few extra grey cells, but still…

Cause and effect thinking so often eludes our kids. Why is that? I have heard several explanations.

Our children’s... more

Our foreign exchange student, Julie, saw Amy in school today. And Amy asked Julie to say hello to me and said she would call soon. Boy, that’s a switch.

As Julie and I talked about Amy, I remembered another part of our in-the-dark conversation that was quite interesting and significant…

One thing that was noticeably different about Amy over the holidays was a decrease in the anger and negativity that so permeated... more

Part One Part Two Part Three

Marcus’s therapist is 25 years old. She worked with Romanian orphans while in college, and was so affected by the experience she subsequently liquidated most of... more

Two more installments of the series on children’s mental health have appeared in the KC Star. The series is specifically about Marcus, a 6 year old with a plethora of diagnoses after his name. Yesterday’s installment opens with Marcus recently placed at Spofford, an RTC here in the KC metro area. On average, slightly less than 50 kids between the ages of 4 and 12 are housed at Spofford, because of mental and emotional problems so severe... more

Part One

One of the folks quoted in the article is Susan Crain Lewis. Thanks to her, I was able to present a seminar on RAD in the late 90’s here in the KC metro area. I have already emailed her, too, hoping to reestablish the wonderful working relationship we had 6 years ago.

I wish I had been able to speak to this reporter before the article was written, but hopefully I can reach out to other... more

After church tonight, and dinner provided by Boston Market, I started sifting through the paper to look at all the flyers for those last-minute gift ideas. Instead, I was immediately drawn to the front page of the Kansas City Star. The top headline shouted the disturbing news of a man who said he was “tired of being picked on” and “fixed” his problem by shooting his long-time girlfriend and 4 of their kids. One child is in grave condition—the others died. Right below that headline was the second big story, Mending... more