As I am frequently in the elementary school these days, I see various class projects and art masterpieces displayed on the walls and bulletin boards. One of those class projects was a “newspaper” prominently displaying a photo of the person whose “Exclusive Story (was) Told Here for the Very First Time!” I looked for Beth’s on the wall yesterday but I couldn’t find it. So imagine my surprise when I sat down for breakfast this morning after she had caught the bus and found some of her papers left for me to see. One of them was her newspaper.

In... more

I’m in yet another hotel room as I write this. Yesterday was spent having an upper GI endoscopic exam, followed by a really fun party with my vet school classmates. The upper GI exam confirmed that I will need to return for endoscopic surgery sometime after the first of next year.

After taking a nap to sleep off the happy drugs from my GI exam, we headed to the home of one of my classmates for another party. Beth and Dora were the only two kids there. Many of my classmates commented on how polite and well-behaved they were. The girls spent some of the time... more

Recently a reader left this thought-provoking comment on a previous blog:

I rock my daughter every day, but one of the issues I have trouble with is that there are times when she has been very destructive or very oppositional or whatever and will then say to me, "I need you to rock me," and I know she does need this, but at times I just can't do it at that point because I feel so angry at her. Often she is able to ask to rock before... more

Answers.com defines stealing as follows: to take (the property of others) without right or permission. It does not define certain circumstances where it is acceptable to steal or not ... it says taking property without right or permission.

In a recent comment, Mater had this to say:

As for stealing, here I disagree with Nancy Spoolstra that stealing is stealing. Without intending in the least to pry, I do believe it matters what children take... more

Last week was a tough week and I was feeling my age big time. I guess that is why parenting is usually for the younger crowd! I shared my fatigue and emotional drain with my husband and he provided a most interesting analogy.

He’s a sports fan (along with Kyle) and most especially a Kansas City Chiefs fan. He said professional athletes reach their physical peak in their twenties, but don’t have as much mental understanding of the game at that point in their lives. By the time they are in their thirties or early forties, they are far more knowledgeable about their... more

Continued from here ... If you don’t know why your child is raging, take your best shot. If your child has been raging for weeks, months or years, and up until now you have interpreted it as drama, you might be shocked at how changing your approach to the tantrum (eventually) changes the outcome. Label the origin of the tantrum as anything you know about your child’s past that would make any child angry. For an internationally adopted... more

A few posts ago I addressed the issue of tantrums. My favorite term for it is meltdown. I think that word adequately describes what is occurring in most cases.

One reader wondered how to differentiate between anger or sadness induced meltdowns versus those perhaps motivated by a need for drama. Another part of the reader’s question focused on how to access feelings after the meltdown.

We have all seen children who are “spoiled”... more

As I write this, my husband and Beth are at a concert listening to Neil Sedaka. OK, that dates me. But who cares. We bought Pops concert tickets last year when we were an immediate family of three. Now we are four. Our options for tonight’s concert were: Dad and daughters; Mom and daughters; Dad, Mom and one daughter (which would be Dora because I’m not leaving her with anyone, but would leave Beth at a friend’s house). I had decided on Dad and daughters, because I am absolutely toast after a very long, hard week. Ah, but the best laid plans ... Dora’s week culminated in the meltdown... more

I’ve struggled to get blogs written these past few days, as Dora is having a rough week. Reality has really set in. The novelty of being here is wearing off and the realization that she is really living in another family and not “just visiting” is hitting her quite hard. We had two long, hard sessions in the rocking chair today, with Dora dealing with her mad and sad in the safety of my arms. She asked to rock this morning before we did much of anything else. It was a harbinger of things to come.

A reader recently asked, “what form does the purging take?” The... more

Several of you have posted very good questions and today I am going to begin answering those questions. You wanted to know:

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“Are you attaching to (Dora)...falling in love with her? Or since it's a "trial" period, do you guard against that?”

“I am interested in knowing what form the purging takes. Does it involve crying AND kicking and screaming and biting and spitting, etc.? I'm not sure if we are experiencing purging or acting out behavior that has gotten attention in the past. I know that there's a feeling of relief (and release)... more