Paradoxical techniques are one of my favorite therapeutic parenting tools. Most of us are living with children who are either overtly aggressive and controlling or passive/aggressive and controlling. Their past experiences have told them that they must be in control of things because the adults around them are not… and if the adults have control, it is all about abuse and negative experiences.

Therefore, we all know that we can’t make our kids do much of anything. It doesn’t help that their attachment to us and hence their... more

As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent the weekend in St. Louis at a marriage conference. My husband and I awoke this morning to the sounds of little children screaming and running up and down the hotel hallway. Granted, it was 9 AM, but still… I gave silent thanks that my mother taught me years and years ago that there were things you did in public and things you didn’t do. I remember countless times being shushed in hotel rooms.

We loaded up our luggage and headed to a local IHOP restaurant for breakfast. While... more

A most exciting email crossed my desk this morning. As I have repeatedly mentioned, I spoke to a group of Rotarians last Monday, even as the tragedy in Vermont was unfolding. I talked about the consequences of a child never forming a strong attachment to an adult. I talked about “blue babies”—kids who cry so fiercely and so long in their bid for attention that they turn blue. And I wondered aloud where that rage goes when no one comes to them? In many kids, it goes inward, only to manifest itself in some truly pathological way down... more

I was going to give you all a break and move on to something else… but jeezzz, there is so much fodder for blogging in this examination of the Virginia Tech killer. One reader just asked if it was likely we would learn more about his life in high school or earlier. Well, it just so happens I watched some coverage last night that can answer that very question…

Two girls that attended his high school were interviewed, as well as a boy that attended high school with him and also attended Virginia Tech, and another male... more

I receive a plethora of electronic newsletters. I just wish I had 48 hours in each day so I could read them all carefully. Anyway, one that is very valuable and very quick to read is the Love & Logic Insider’s Club. This week’s topic was The Path to Positive Self-Concept.

Since there are suggestions all over the email that you can forward it to friends, I’m going to forward it to LOTS of friends! Here’s what it says:

Over the past three decades,... more

I apologize if you are tired of me pontificating about the Virginia Tech incident… but I simply am not able to put this behind me just yet. Not from a parental perspective, and not from a child mental health advocacy perspective.

I heard something on the news a few minutes ago that really grabbed my attention. I didn’t catch the commentator’s name (actually it was an “interviewee”) but it was Fox News. The person speaking was a criminal profiler and she was talking about the development... more

A couple of days ago, this story about a young woman who recently died from cancer was featured on the front page of our local paper, the Kansas City Star.

Here’s yet another story about her…

Although as a parent it was a tough read, I found myself quickly drawn into it. The story is about an 18 year old high school senior, Ally, who recently lost her 4 year... more

My final thoughts about my daughter's lying problem center around her thoughts about her lying problem... After asking her why she was lying to me in the first place (and learning about how rampant lying is at school...) I then asked her what she thought about my “chocolate response.” She said she wasn’t going to eat chocolate... more

I have enjoyed and appreciated the feedback I have received on my story about my less-than-truthful daughter. I will share with you her perspective on how things unfolded—and her insight will hopefully cement my position that she is not RAD any longer. She seems to have a good grasp on the issues at hand… But I must also say that the responses that have questioned whether or not I treated the symptom and not the cause would be very valid queries if this story were about Amy. Amy’s issues are all around trust, shame, value, safety,... more

In my ongoing discussion about my 10-year-old daughter’s lying and sneaking candy, I have had a couple of readers comment that I am making the situation worse by drawing attention to it at all. This has most definitely given me food for thought… But my conclusion is… how can this situation change if I do nothing? How can continuing to let her “lie for convenience” teach her responsibility and accountability? And what about the sneaking?... more