I spent the day dealing with Hurricane Dora, who is dead tired (as we all are) from the conference; processing the aftermath of four hours of intense therapy; and probably starting to emerge from a honeymoon phase. The plan was for her to go to the Chiefs game today with Beth and my husband, but Dora was not football game material. She stayed with me and honed her passive/aggressive skills. I have to say, Dora is far easier (at least so far) than most kids I have experienced (or maybe my experience level is working in my favor) but still this is by no means easy.... more

Following on the heels of the previous post about our realities vs. the realities of the “average family” … my morning started off a bit badly …

Beth has choir before school on Tuesdays. The neighbor girl does, too. My neighbor has repeatedly offered to drive Beth at any time for any reason and we are not on a “tit for tat” schedule. Since Dora has been here ever since choir started, I have yet to drive the girls to choir. I never know how... more

In my recent blog about Why do placements disrupt?, a reader commented … I miss the confident, optimistic, minimally cynical person I used to be.

I didn’t have a chance to address the comment immediately, but that thought has been washing around in my head, much like Pat Johnston’s comment that I answered in the previous... more

A reader recently asked if I was drained and needed a break after all this emotional work we are doing here of late. I can’t describe how drained I am. Beyond beat. Not to mention increasingly resentful of being the only one in my home who pays any attention to any of the details of running the home and managing the kids. Gee, I’ll bet there aren’t any of you moms or dads out there reading this who could understand that sentiment? How many of you have... more

At the end of this year, I will have been writing this blog for two years. I embarked upon this blog-writing adventure because I love to write, I love to educate, and I love to advocate. When I was a practicing veterinarian, one of the things I most enjoyed was talking to and educating my clients about how to be more informed and better prepared pet owners.

I have invested over a decade of my life into the creation and growth of the Attachment & Trauma Network—another vehicle for supporting, educating and advocating... more

How many times have families living with attachment-challenged children had difficulties in getting the extended family, friends, school staff and church members to understand what life is really like within that family’s home? No matter how often nuclear family members explain how a child with intimacy issues behaves in the face of expected intimacy, those who do not directly experience the child’s rejecting behaviors just don’t see the big picture. (Carrying this one step further ... often husbands living with... more

Before I discuss Katherine Leslie’s views about parent/child relationships, I want to share with you another relationship in my life that is “problematic”.

Ever since I was a child, my relationship with my brother has been, shall we say, challenging? He teased me mercilessly, and I frankly don’t remember too many perks to go with the liabilities. It wasn’t where he teased me a lot but was emotionally available to me and supportive as well; rather, our interactions were essentially adversarial as I always remember being teased... more

One of the underlying themes I hear all the time from parents contacting me is how their extended families just don’t get the big picture. Most of us come to grips with the fact that our neighbors, the school staff, folks at church and the glaring lady at the grocery store are clueless. But when our own families forget the things they know about the child they raised or the sibling they giggled with or conspired with … well, that’s harder to take.

My dad has struggled forever over what to do about Amy.... more

As I discuss the particular situation of one family, one reader wondered about the attachment therapist suggesting that the family take some time to regroup. The reader wondered why the therapist wouldn’t get the family in immediately, given that the family is clearly in crisis.

I think some of the answer to that question lies in this mom’s own musings about this situation. She says …

I... more

Continuing with one particular family’s story, I have been corresponding with a mom who, along with her husband, adopted two boys from Eastern Europe. While the younger child is doing well, the older one has successfully planted fear within this mom … she is afraid of him, and few folks appear to be listening to her very valid concerns. She recently was visited by her state social services agency, and she wrote to tell me about... more