Fifth in a series

So what ARE the “issues” that therapists and others in the community identify in us as the reason(s) why our kids don’t get better? The issue most often identified is our anger. “Good parents” should not be so angry with their kids.

I will never, ever forget speaking to the pastor of our church many years ago, early in my parenting journey. I was struggling with emerging feelings with respect to parenting Amy and the responses her behavior generated in me. This pastor—a “man of the cloth”—told... more

Part One Part Two Part Three

I will state once again that the vast majority of parents with whom I speak are trying to address their own issues. Some are more successful than others. And unless you listen carefully,... more

Nancy Thomas often describes an analogy whereby a child is looking across a frozen pond at a warm, inviting house and family across the ice. The family is beckoning to the child, telling the child how warm and cozy it is in their home by the fireplace, secure in the embrace of the nice mom and dad. The child is very cold. The child really, really wants to cross the ice. But the child has attempted to cross the ice before, and fallen in! It was cold and it was a traumatic experience! Perhaps the child... more

While there has never been what I would consider to be an accepting climate for parents, I was hopeful that parents as a group, with perhaps ADN as a vehicle, could steer things more to the middle. For awhile I thought we were gaining on it… but now I think we are losing ground. Politically, things are very hot right now and the pendulum is definitely swinging back to “blame the parents.” This clinician-based view that “if only parents would address their own issues, their children would heal and move forward” is showing up... more

Although I have enjoyed doing the nature vs. nurture series, I am going to take a break from that temporarily… as I have something else more pressing on my mind right now.

The organization I founded ten years ago, the Attachment Disorder Network, is preparing for our second annual conference. As such, we are seeking proposals for workshops. Our conferences focus on parents… a large proportion of parent presenters, predominantly a parent audience, and topics... more

Over the course of the past 17 years of parenting my now-emancipated daughter Amy, hope for the future became harder and harder to grasp. I have heard many stories about adult adoptees who finally “figured things out” when they were in their late 20’s or even in their 30’s. This was my hope, too…that even if my daughter and I never connected while she lived at home, perhaps someday she would realize what she had thrown away.

That last ditch hope was dealt a serious blow when we learned some birth family information that indicated... more

Part One

One of the folks quoted in the article is Susan Crain Lewis. Thanks to her, I was able to present a seminar on RAD in the late 90’s here in the KC metro area. I have already emailed her, too, hoping to reestablish the wonderful working relationship we had 6 years ago.

I wish I had been able to speak to this reporter before the article was written, but hopefully I can reach out to other... more

After church tonight, and dinner provided by Boston Market, I started sifting through the paper to look at all the flyers for those last-minute gift ideas. Instead, I was immediately drawn to the front page of the Kansas City Star. The top headline shouted the disturbing news of a man who said he was “tired of being picked on” and “fixed” his problem by shooting his long-time girlfriend and 4 of their kids. One child is in grave condition—the others died. Right below that headline was the second big story, Mending... more

One of the advantages to moving is that you get to find and organize all kinds of stuff you forgot you had. In the past, my office was short on storage space, so much of my sewing and ADN “stuff” was stored in two closets upstairs… making it very difficult to easily access books and fabric. Not so at our new house… the plan called for a huge master bedroom closet. We added a second closet for my husband (I vowed never to share closet space with him again after we built our first house in the early 90’s!) and added a door from the office into the closet.... more

Well, Toto, I can tell we are back in Kansas. When we lived in Illinois, it took completely burying the city in snow for them to even consider cancelling school. Here in sunny Kansas, where tornadoes cause nary a backwards glance, snow can shut down life rather quickly!

We did have an impressive ice storm yesterday, followed by a forecast of up to a foot of snow. I don’t know how bad the roads were this morning, but I do know my husband made it the forty-some miles to the airport in time for a 6 AM flight. I’m not... more