A reader posted a very good and very perplexing question yesterday. She is a therapist, working with a young teen girl whose brother is struggling with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The therapist asks,

“How can I help her deal with the anger, confusion and fear?”

I can’t tell you how much I wish there was a clear, concise, effective answer to this question. However, I know of no magic bullet for this. I have had... more

A reader inquired about whether or not Amy would have fared better in another family … someplace other than in my family? Julie addressed that in a recent blog, and she linked several blogs I have written on that same topic:

Goodness of fit does matter

You... more

A reader commented on this post and asked the question, “How do I get my son to the point where he is not affected by my daughter’s behaviors, but only has the day-to-day stressors of life to deal with?”

First of all, let me clarify my view of the issues that cause a reaction in Beth, and those that don’t. One of the reader’s questions involved Amy’s departure almost a year... more

I am dead tired tonight after driving over 500 miles today. I am in Tennessee, on my way to visit aging relatives tomorrow. I have my 83 year old mom with me. No dogs, no kids … kinda quiet.

I really appreciated all the feedback and input on the structure post. I’m not sure I made it clear that I view structure much like one reader stated: if you do X, then Y will happen. It isn’t necessarily just about negative actions... more

This post generated several comments, so I thought I would take this opportunity to respond to one of them.

One reader has this to say:

I have to admit I feel the hair on my neck stand up every time you mention structure. I hear strict and military-like. Please define what you mean by structure. My life is as structured as I can make it, but sometimes bedtimes slip or meals are on the fly or... more

A reader just asked me why I articulate, and apparently feel, more negativity towards Amy than Tommy, given that Tommy didn’t embrace the family either. It is an excellent question and one I partially answered on the comment itself, but one I think I’d like to explore further.

The answer I gave after the reader’s comment essentially says I spent over 15 years struggling on a 24/7 basis to build a relationship with Amy, and less... more

My last post was in response to a poignant series of questions by a reader who is struggling with some very difficult kids. In her response to my post, she elaborated that she had two tough kids, making the line-of-sight supervision even harder. She says they recognize the difficulty the mom has in micromanaging two kids, stating … “They use those fleeting unsupervised seconds (and I do mean seconds) to destroy property,... more

This comment was left in response to my blog about How to regain control of an out-of-control household.

Now here's a question(s) I have on the control issue. When our youngest came as part of a sib group of four, she began by trying to control and manipulate Mom and Dad. Mom saw through her "tricks" early on, and had the upper hand nearly from the get-go. Dad was more of a softy, and although firm,... more

I had a great discussion this morning with Pat Johnston of Perspectives Press. I have known Pat for twenty years or more and I very much value her friendship and her wisdom. We talked about many things, and I will be processing our conversation for several days. But there was one thing in particular she told me that I want to share.

We were talking about ATN, my reasons for starting it and where I want it to go. We talked about the perception... more

My long-time friend Pat Johnston left an interesting comment in response to my genetics/environment/choices blogs. She discussed “goodness of fit” and encouraged me to read a newly released book Nurturing the Nature: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Unique Core Personality by Michael Gurian.

First off,... more