I am saddened this morning… I had a mom request information about Nancy Thomas camps. I think Nancy does amazing work, so I was happy to provide more information.

Her children’s therapist had recommended that this family attend a Nancy Thomas camp. This mom was doing her homework and asked if anyone had been to one of the camps. I arranged for two families who had attended to email her. I don’t know if they had a chance to communicate with her or not, but on the message board... more

ARRRGGGGHHH! Another one of those mornings. I sure would like to have about three of me. I think Julie and Kelly and most certainly Cindy could use a few clones too…

My Internet was down this morning, as was my digital phone service. And since the ADN line runs through the Time Warner box, it was down too. And apparently the adoption.com site has had some hiccups today. And I just returned from the doc’s office to have my other big toe horrifically poked with a needle several times and numbed so as to remove yet... more

A publication called Rise recently found its way into the ADN post office box. You can learn about the organization that produces this newsletter here. It says Rise is

“...a magazine by and for parents who have been involved with the child welfare system. Its mission is to provide parents with true stories about the system’s role in families’ lives and information that will help parents advocate for themselves and their children.”

These are stories about... more

Continued from Part One...

From what Nancy Thomas indicated, few kids in her experience missed more than one, or at most two, Christmas celebrations. Not my daughter. Year after year she repeated this routine. One year we woke her up at noon so she could take her first shower in five days and join us for dinner.

The last couple of years have been better. And the summer she was 14 when she lived with my parents and worked (to repay the hundreds... more

I mentioned in part three of my series on adoption disruptions that an attorney in Wisconsin told my friend Kelly that he is performing more adoption disruptions than regular adoptions. His name is Stephen Hayes and I spent an hour on the phone with him tonight. I will clarify my quote to say he has handled almost more disruptions than adoptions… 36 cases in the last 22 months, and 70% were EE kids. Only two were domestic adoptions. He is becoming a specialist in disruption cases and has presented workshops on this topic to the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. He acknowledges that his "specialty" is what is making him... more

Part three of three

Not only is the receiving family more aware of the task ahead of them, but presumably they are more prepared to deal with the challenges of parenting an attachment-affected child. Families that have already successfully integrated emotionally disturbed children have learned therapeutic parenting techniques that can be applied to other children as well. Additionally, they usually have an already-established network of support in place, including mental health and adoption professionals who... more

Part two of three parts

Once I connect the families, I instruct both the placing family and the receiving family to retain their own attorneys. Additionally, I inform the placing family that they should do their own “due diligence” on the receiving family. I trust my contacts and I know they know what to look for in a receiving family, but the responsibility for confirming that decision lies with the placing family.

If everyone is satisfied this is a good placement decision, the attorneys proceed... more

Part one of three

Last time I started talking about disruption, I ended up describing how Beth joined our family. I never got around to talking about that nefarious “underground network” that was mentioned in this article.

Neither ADN nor I are personally involved in that “network”, but I have assisted several families in rehoming children. All cases were handled legally and appropriately; I was just the messenger, connecting... more

Within 24 hours Beth had Kyle completely wrapped around her little finger. He went from dead-set against the idea to so “charmed” he was undermining my efforts to get her straightened out! Beth called him “Bob” and “Santa Claus.” He went around the house moaning that she didn’t like him and didn’t know his name. Of course, one of Beth’s many control battles in her first home was language… she barely spoke to her first adoptive family. Within a month in our family she was talking in long sentences…sounding just like Carol Channing!

We had Beth evaluated by Liz... more

Over the next several months, I wore several hats with respect to this family. I supported them as best I could without pushing them in any one direction. I was extremely careful to maintain appropriate boundaries. Other than the one weekend of respite, I did not see Beth at all. It was my assessment that her first family was not going to go forward with parenting her, especially with a second birth child imminent. Their emotions reflected this outcome, but their minds had not yet reached that conclusion…

Eventually... more