From the minute they arrived home with Beth, her first adoptive family struggled. The mom knew something wasn’t quite right, but she couldn’t find anyone to help her figure it out. Five months after coming home from China she gave birth to a physically matching, emotionally similar child to her and her husband. She had not yet “connected” with Beth, and Beth’s first dad assumed much of the responsibility for Beth’s care. But that was essentially unsuccessful, as he was gone at work all day.

They started through a succession of physicians and therapists, searching for the reason why their... more

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

My husband’s response was less than positive to my suggestion that we adopt yet again. And I couldn’t blame... more

The placement of the teenage girl into our family in the mid-90’s disrupted after 6 months. I think I could parent that young lady today… I would know far more about what to expect going into the relationship, and I have built a considerable support network around me. But those “luxuries” were not available to my family ten years ago. Our family was in so much distress with the two troubled children we were already parenting. We should never have been allowed to even consider adopting at that point, let alone disrupting birth order and taking on a teenager. We had just moved 600 miles; built a home; added an older, troubled child within the past year; and my husband had started a... more

My family both disrupted a child and adopted a child who disrupted.

Before we understood anything about attachment issues, we adopted a third time… out of birth order, a teen girl who became the oldest child in our family. Of course, we were struggling mightily with Amy and Tommy at the time, but hey—aren’t good intentions enough to make it work? We didn’t know what we didn’t know… We attended a July 4th party hosted by an agency owner (same one mentioned at the end of Part 2, is that a coincidence?)... more

I mentioned in the first installment of this series how I had seen a few families who did want to “dump and run.” There was the woman I spoke to who had a gypsy daughter from Romania. I offered to have her come to my house and stay for a few days while we evaluated her daughter’s issues together. She showed up on my doorstep with her entire family in tow… husband and two birth kids, and one very squirrelly child. They didn’t pay a nickel for food or toiletries. Mom wigged out completely when the child ran off and I called the cops… so I was babysitting mom as much or more... more

OK, enough already of me whining about Amy. I very much appreciate the comments from my readers who are supportive of me during my brief, but very real, “pity party.” I don’t do pity parties very often. Never found them to be too productive in addressing whatever issue I was pitying myself for… But the final hurrah around here this summer is getting to be very, very hard.

So, on to addressing another reader question. I was asked about the practice of adopting a child who disrupted from a previous family. The reader wanted to know if families were needed for that eventuality, and if... more