My family

Attachment disorder or survival disorder as I like to call it is not a well known issue, but can be extremely difficult and emotional to deal with.  Our rescued "busted adoption" child is attachment disordered, by his own confession.  We have hoped in the two years he has been here we would change some of his behaviors, but perhaps only Jesus can if he will let him in.  His continued "bullying" or threats to our oldest boys are becoming not acceptable and his inability to tell the truth is at the very least frustrating. Children who suffer from this disorder are extremely charming to those outside their families, but entirely the opposite within the home.  They have frequently been abandoned by their mothers… [more]

I always take a little time at the end of a year to reflect on the past year and to ponder the possibilities of the year to come.  For my family, this has been the year of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). RAD rules our house.  It factors into every fiber of our lives.  If it isn’t front and center of every day, it is always lurking in the shadows.  At the beginning of 2010, Elle’s RAD was gaining momentum, and I began to despair it would win.  But with the help of our therapist, a lot of hard work on my part, my husband and Elle’s, we started to turn the tide. We also attended a camp for families with RAD children.  The… [more]

Sometimes people ask me “How will I know when my child is attached?” That is one of those questions that doesn’t have a single answer. First of all attachment is a marathon, not a sprint. Your child does not suddenly become attached over night. It is a gradual process and you may be able to pinpoint when something in your relationship changes, but chances are you will not know the exact moment when it happens. The other issue is that all kids are different, even if they have the same parents. Even in biological children there are vast personality differences and interests. Genetics or parenting does not solely determine who or what a child will become. Kids with attachment issues have usually… [more]

I can’t believe it has been over a month since I have posted a blog. It feels good to sit down and write another entry … and yet, I have been so insanely busy that I haven’t had a moment to even think about the blog, much less write it. Let me tell you what has happened in my life this past month … My last entry showed you a photo of the used (but new to us) horse trailer my husband and I recently purchased. We traveled to Indiana to retrieve the trailer. Ten minutes after leaving the trailer lot, we stopped to get gas, and being unfamiliar with the (non-existent) turning radius of the trailer, my husband clipped a post next to the gas pump. One pole of… [more]

I haven’t posted much about Dora lately, but she is struggling. Her anger rules her decisions, in spite of awesome therapy sessions addressing her issues and providing her with better choices. Her therapist commented that she knows many smart kids who make dumb choices ... and currently Dora is one of them. Dora continues to give nothing back, but wants to leap into Beth’s life just the same. My response is to explain to her it doesn’t work like that; if she chooses not act like a daughter, she can be a boarder, but she will have to contribute to the household in some manner. Therefore, she is doing far more chores, partly because we discontinued having a cleaning lady (Beth wants to earn more money) and… [more]

Greetings from Kansas, where there’s no place like home! After sloshing around in wet snow, ice and windy conditions in St. Paul, Minnesota last weekend, I arrived home last night in time to rock a couple of girls before bed. The roads were a bit scary around St. Paul, but not bad after I was halfway to Des Moines. Steph and I had a wonderful time. We slept in on Saturday and then spent all afternoon at Caribou coffee, eating bagels, drinking lattes and doing our respective work. She read the Bible in ancient Greek; I struggled with the ATN database and wrote donor letters. After that, we had dinner at Olive Garden, where she was 3 days short of getting a Chocolate Amore with alcohol. From… [more]

Interestingly enough, my son and daughter continue to post on this site. One reader speculated several days ago—before the most recent posts by Anchulee and Tony—that they might actually enjoy the publicity. Regardless, their comments almost beg for responses … Anchulee stated in a recent comment that I had told her once that she was my “guinea pig.” If one Googles “guinea pig”, one of the definitions you will find states: A person who is used as a subject for experimentation or research. I can assure you, I did not adopt this child to be my “experimental subject” so that I might get it right later on. What I told her was, she was my learning curve. Big difference between that and guinea pig. But… [more]

Well, I hardly know where to begin. Seems I never have a lack of blog material these days. I’m my usual comatose self at nearly 11 PM, aggravated by the fact that I was up with one of the dogs at 4 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep because of the horrible stomach issues I am still addressing. Tomorrow I’m calling the doc and getting a different antibiotic … I don’t think I can hang in there another five days with this one. Steph and her boyfriend were here for the weekend, although they weren’t here on Thursday for Thanksgiving. My folks don’t leave until Tuesday morning. So there is still a lot of food being consumed here, and we have worked hard to… [more]

Imagine my surprise to check in on my blog tonight and find a message from “Amy”, who used her real name, signed in and dressed me down in a comment. A previous blog sported another comment from “fearless” who sounds even more like my very disgruntled son, Tommy. Some of my family members are of the opinion that Tommy talked Amy into commenting. Who knows. In “fearless’s” latest comment, he/she (?) stated “I hope you learn to forgive him for things you have both done to each other.” Additionally, he states he didn’t accuse me of being “a mad mother to the other three”, only to the two I “couldn’t control.” It appears he believes the difficulty in those relationships was solely due to "my… [more]

It has been a busy day, as usual, but it was punctuated by my frequent checks of my last post to see what inspiring comments had been left. Who knew it would be such an interesting dialog? I have read various readers’ theories about who "fearless" might be … and there is another possibility. I think this person who is so clearly quite unhappy with me might be my son, Tommy. Tommy has asked me not to write about him, and I haven’t. It was not particularly difficult to honor that request because Tommy hasn’t lived with us for many years. My experiences around the parenting of Tommy had much to do with “the system” and how it doesn't support or outright abuses parents. (And I… [more]