Faith and Religion

A friend of mine recently admitted she felt like a failure because her little RADish didn’t seem to be making much progress and it was having an effect on her family, her marriage, and herself.  She was struggling to remain loving and supportive because her RADish was taking everything she had to give. Being the mother of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is beyond exhausting.  I would say being a parent in itself is a tiring job, but when the complexities of an emotionally damaged child is added in, exhaustion doesn’t go far enough to describe how you feel at the end of the day. Nancy Thomas wrote a book about RAD called When Love is Not Enough.  This was the first book… [more]

Attachment disorder or survival disorder as I like to call it is not a well known issue, but can be extremely difficult and emotional to deal with.  Our rescued "busted adoption" child is attachment disordered, by his own confession.  We have hoped in the two years he has been here we would change some of his behaviors, but perhaps only Jesus can if he will let him in.  His continued "bullying" or threats to our oldest boys are becoming not acceptable and his inability to tell the truth is at the very least frustrating. Children who suffer from this disorder are extremely charming to those outside their families, but entirely the opposite within the home.  They have frequently been abandoned by their mothers… [more]

As I mentioned in several previous posts, Dora had a lousy Friday followed by a terrific Saturday. Speaking with one of her favorite extended family members really brightened her day. Beth’s assessment of Dora’s feelings about this particular woman was that this person was Dora’s alternate attachment figure, just as Guy was for Beth. When I told this particular family member this information, she was quite pleased that she had, indeed, been a significant person in Dora’s life. And clearly she still is … as talking to her on Saturday completely altered Dora’s mood. Saturday night as we were rocking, Dora looked up at me and said, “God made some bad things happen in my life, but He also made some good things happen! This is… [more]

My family belongs to a fabulous, but large, church in our community. We joined when there were about 400 people, over 13 years ago. We missed it desperately when we were in Illinois, and we are so glad to be back here. Now there are over 15,000 in worship at one of the five services each weekend. It just so happens that two of the senior pastors are neighbors … not bad considering there are only 14 lots in our neighborhood! Actually the senior senior pastor was the one who conceived of and developed our large lot subdivision. He’s quite a talented guy. The other neighbor, Pastor Clayton, was kind enough to stop by our home tonight at my request, and Stephanie, Beth, Clayton and… [more]

I have been writing about the unfolding of a situation in my personal life that has a high probability of resulting in another placement in my family. I have been in regular communication with a family who is disrupting a child. While I was most definitely not looking for another child, the circumstances in this situation are unique and I am not closing the door to the possibility. In this post I told you how I spoke to this child’s mom on the phone, and asked her to write an email about her child that I could use to network and find another placement. When I was reading the email the day after our phone conversation, I was struck by… [more]

When we adopted Beth after having had so much difficulty with our first two adopted kids, many folks wondered why on earth we had ventured forth yet again. We did try and adopt Beth through the domestic foster care system, even though she was a disrupting international placement, because we were hoping to secure some kind of subsidy to hedge our bet against hemorrhaging money on yet another deeply wounded child. My husband figured we had spent over $40,000 on our first two troubled kids by the time we added Beth. That is a lot of money … and that is just what the insurance DIDN’T pay. We were not successful, though, in running Beth through the system, so we took… [more]

Our sermon for Father's Day was delivered by a guest preacher … and what a preacher he was. My family belongs to a very large, very prominent Methodist church. We joined when there were 400 or so members, in 1994. Now there are over 15,000. Our pastor has written books and is well known throughout the country for his intellect, his preaching ability, his business acumen, and perhaps most importantly, his outreach to non-religious or nominally religious folks in the community. Because of his visibility, our pastor knows and meets many influential folks. It was during a trip to Oklahoma to meet with Billy Graham that our pastor met last night’s guest preacher, Carey Casey. Carey Casey is an African American Baptist… [more]

In the series of posts I just completed, I discussed our purpose in parenting our challenging children, and how we should best measure our success. Being satisfied that the gift is in the giving is a very, very difficult concept to absorb, but it really is true. It is an easy concept when one thinks about more accepted areas of giving, like Christmas or birthdays. As children mature into adults, most of them learn that the true joy of Christmas or other gift-giving holidays is in watching people you love open a gift you thoughtfully created or purchase or arranged. The joy of the gift is truly in the giving. But what if the recipient was always unhappy with what you offered?… [more]

I am near the end of a series of posts discussing why it is we assume this parental responsibility. What is it we are to learn from this journey? I began by discussing God’s command to Ezekiel in the Old Testament. God wanted Ezekiel to be a prophet among the Israelites, and Ezekiel was to use as his measure of success the fact that he was doing what God told him to do—not the result of his efforts to impact the Israelites. I asked my Bible scholar daughter, Stephanie, if Ezekiel had a family? When Ezekiel was doing God’s work, and it wasn’t going as he had hoped, was his family struggling along with him? Stephanie said he was married… [more]

I am in Colorado again this week, enjoying some time with my parents. But I put together most of this series of posts while traveling out here last weekend. I read some of Deb Hannah's comments to my husband as he was driving and I was typing. I couldn't read them without filling up with emotion, as my own wounds are still quite fresh. Here is more of what Deborah Hannah, author of An Unlit Path, has to say about our job as parents in healing from the wounds of lost hopes and dreams … She is describing her personal “resurrection” as she rises from the ashes of having adopted five children, only to have every one of them leave her home for… [more]