Deborah Hannah

In the series of posts I just completed, I discussed our purpose in parenting our challenging children, and how we should best measure our success. Being satisfied that the gift is in the giving is a very, very difficult concept to absorb, but it really is true. It is an easy concept when one thinks about more accepted areas of giving, like Christmas or birthdays. As children mature into adults, most of them learn that the true joy of Christmas or other gift-giving holidays is in watching people you love open a gift you thoughtfully created or purchase or arranged. The joy of the gift is truly in the giving. But what if the recipient was always unhappy with what you offered?… [more]

In this post I mentioned the fact that Deb Hannah’s daughter framed her time in college by the events surrounding her troubled adoptive siblings. She started college at the peak of a family crisis, and graduated the day after the last of five troubled children left the family. The fact that Deb’s healthy children’s lives were so affected by the unhealthy children is one of her greatest regrets. I completely and totally understand that sadness and concern. And the truth is, we are talking about healthy vs. unhealthy kids here, more than adopted vs. biological. Beth is healthy, and she is impacted by the less healthy members of our family. Kids who require an inordinate amount of family time, energy… [more]

I am near the end of a series of posts discussing why it is we assume this parental responsibility. What is it we are to learn from this journey? I began by discussing God’s command to Ezekiel in the Old Testament. God wanted Ezekiel to be a prophet among the Israelites, and Ezekiel was to use as his measure of success the fact that he was doing what God told him to do—not the result of his efforts to impact the Israelites. I asked my Bible scholar daughter, Stephanie, if Ezekiel had a family? When Ezekiel was doing God’s work, and it wasn’t going as he had hoped, was his family struggling along with him? Stephanie said he was married… [more]

I am in Colorado again this week, enjoying some time with my parents. But I put together most of this series of posts while traveling out here last weekend. I read some of Deb Hannah's comments to my husband as he was driving and I was typing. I couldn't read them without filling up with emotion, as my own wounds are still quite fresh. Here is more of what Deborah Hannah, author of An Unlit Path, has to say about our job as parents in healing from the wounds of lost hopes and dreams … She is describing her personal “resurrection” as she rises from the ashes of having adopted five children, only to have every one of them leave her home for… [more]

I have been discussing the purpose of our parenting. Is our “job” to only parent children who provide pleasure and reciprocity in our life, or is it to serve the least, the last and the lost? Are we wrong to want and/or expect something positive to come back our way? Maybe not wrong, but human … Deb Hannah sent me an email that started me thinking about this. She said: I know that Beth is doing wonderfully and your relationship is everything you want it to be, and in some ways that can validate us as parents. This child becomes proof that we did not waste our lives, that it was right what we did. They become proof that we are good… [more]

Once again I am going to warn you that I will be spilling the beans on Deb Hannah’s book, so if you’d rather wait to read this, you’ve been warned! Deb and her husband Joe adopted five children after having given birth to four. The five adoptees arrived as two sibling groups—three and two. If you go to Deb’s website, you see a picture of Deb and her husband Joe and five kids. The math doesn’t add up. When I read the book, I read it in two sittings. I checked out the website between my two reading sessions. Midway through the book, Deb was parenting 8 kids. But the picture showed 5 kids … My brain went “Uh Oh!” but my heart… [more]

As I mentioned in a few previous blogs, I am in regular communication these days with Deborah Hannah, author of An Unlit Path. I want to share with you some of our recent conversations. I have been struggling with how to present this. I want to just start typing and let it flow from my fingertips, but there are a couple of things stopping me. First, I hesitate to “spill the beans” on her book, but I suspect I might end up doing just that. So if you want to read the book before you continue to read this post, now would be the time. Second, this is going to be “heavy” stuff. What I am going to share will be depressing—in… [more]

I talked to a mom this morning who has already signed up for ATN’s conference this August. I am really getting excited about this event, for many reasons. But probably the most significant reason is how energized everyone feels when they are actually in the physical proximity of other parents who are leading parallel lives. As long as I have been living this life, and as stress-free as my parenting existence is now, with no challenging kids under my roof, I still need the validation and support that comes from being around like-minded people. At the conference, I won’t have to wonder how folks are receiving what I am saying. I won’t have to endure the nasty looks that come my… [more]

Last October I received a book in the mail, and because I had just moved for the second time that year, and because my life was upside down, I put the book on a shelf and forgot about it. That is, until Cindy Bodie blogged about it and I just had to read it. So I did, and then I blogged about it. The book is An Unlit Path by Deborah Hannah. Those of you interested enough to read my blog really, really should read this book. And because I am now in regular contact with Deborah, I know some of the post scripts. In fact, I think I know more than I wish I knew… and I am trying to… [more]

What have you decided is your next book? An Unlit Path chronicles our journey on a path that we did not understand. We learned only from our mistakes and played defense in a game wherein we were not even sure of the rules. The next book—working title—Finding Light On The Path will offer insight from foster and adoptive families—parents and children, from Family Court judges, from accused and convicted adoptive parents, from caseworkers, psychologists, psychiatrists, law enforcement officials, adoption agencies, etc. on what each think will light the way. What populations/groups have been asking you to speak about your book? Who is embracing it? I have been contacted by the National Foster Parent Association in support as well as by the… [more]