Preparing to bring your child home

Several of you have posted very good questions and today I am going to begin answering those questions. You wanted to know: ********* “Are you attaching to (Dora)...falling in love with her? Or since it's a "trial" period, do you guard against that?” “I am interested in knowing what form the purging takes. Does it involve crying AND kicking and screaming and biting and spitting, etc.? I'm not sure if we are experiencing purging or acting out behavior that has gotten attention in the past. I know that there's a feeling of relief (and release) following the tantrums; but, we certainly can't talk about feelings during the episodes. Any suggestions?” “Did Amy have "sticky fingers" also?” ********* Starting with the first one, me attaching to Dora and falling in love with… [more]

Another day under my belt, adjusting to life with two girls. My husband is on a business trip and Dora has repeatedly expressed her anticipation of his return. Beth is stressed dealing with piles of homework as her fifth grade teacher sets the bar high. Swimming starts next week … not sure when that is going to fit in? Dora played dumb on schoolwork yesterday, and as a result spent a fair amount of time staring at a very simple math paper. It was there for her again today, and the prospect of another boring day as well as the possibility of missing a horseback ride tonight motivated her to complete the paper. As promised, we did ride tonight. It was therapeutic for all of us… [more]

Continued from here ... Intermittently during the time we talked, Beth buried her head in my chest and absolutely wailed. She released the most guttural sounds imaginable. It was clearly a purging of deep pain. In between she would regroup and we would talk, and then she would begin again. Dora was awake for much of this time. During our conversation I did a little venting of my own. I told Beth I had poured a great deal of energy into both girls this past week and still, every time I turned around, someone needed something else from me. I told Beth I was doing the best I could, but no one seemed to notice I had more than the usual out-go, therefore I might need… [more]

For the second night in a row, Beth was struggling with her emotions. I sent her to bed to deal with some of it on her own for a change. Her crying ebbed and flowed in the upstairs bedroom. I was all too acutely aware of how much it bothered my parents to have this going on yet again at their home. Finally I got up to go upstairs and address it. I was clearly not too happy. My mom felt inclined to offer some unsolicited advice/armchair parenting. I wasn’t too receptive. She said, “This is hard for her!” and I said, “Like I don’t know that??” I headed upstairs and not-too-compassionately burst into the bedroom. “What would you like me to do?” I… [more]

Dora had a great day today. She seemed relaxed and genuine for the majority of the day. She and Kyle and Beth walked to the top of the steps at the Alpine Visitor Center on Trail Ridge Road. Can you spot the girls in their tie-dyed sweatshirts? After that we went to Ride-A-Kart (Amy worked here one summer!) and had two rides each on the go-karts. Beth was thrilled that she was finally tall enough to drive her own kart. Dora rode first with Marie and then with me … her decision. We returned home and went to dinner at my folks’ favorite place across the street from their house. After dinner I told the girls to get ready for bed. I rocked Dora first… [more]

I am sitting at my parent’s home awaiting a bacon, eggs and potatoes breakfast made by my dad. That is his specialty and one of the counted on perks of visiting them in Colorado. We traveled late into the night on Friday night and arrived in Denver, meeting Kyle and Marie at the hotel. We arrived in Estes Park by lunch time on Saturday. We had a great time at a craft fair Saturday afternoon and the girls and I all got tie-dyed sweatshirts. I also spent too much money at a bead booth, buying great things for now and for some early Christmas shopping. The girls have a mercurial relationship. They had a ton of fun throwing rocks into the Big Thompson river right in front of… [more]

I am exhausted today. I guess the past week has really caught up with me, both physically and emotionally. I am very ready to climb in the car tomorrow and spend the day traveling. I plan to crochet fuzzy flip flops for Dora. Beth has a zillion pairs, as do I. My series this week has been written from my heart, as I experienced it, in an attempt to share the difficulties associated with pain, grief, loss, and adoption disruption. It is an ugly subject, but it happens. All across the country, parents of all kinds (bio, adoptive, step) make daily decisions about who will parent their child(ren) and for what reasons and for how long. Many, many of those “arrangements” are informal ones. While I… [more]

Many experienced teachers begin the school year by putting the fear of God into their students on the first day of school. At least, that is the impression I have received from Beth, and I think I used to hear it from the older kids. It was so long ago, I’m not sure! Why would a teacher prefer to “come down hard” and then lighten up, as opposed to giving the kids a chance to prove that they need more structure and control? Because many teachers have learned it is much easier to lighten up than it is to backpeddle and institute restrictions that were not in place initially. Teachers often take this approach because they understand they need to be in… [more]

School starts tomorrow for Beth. I’m kind of bummed. I really like having my fun-to-be-around kids at home. Of course, I didn’t always feel that way about all the kids! I completely get how some of you are absolutely chomping at the bits to offload! Now that the ATN conference is over, and school is about to begin, my mind has shifted to another exciting prospect … one I was successfully able to avoid dwelling on when I was much busier. I have mentioned several times that we are probably going to be adding another child to our home in the near future. In a little over a week, we will meet this child. Assuming there are no surprises, and I don’t expect there to… [more]

I really appreciated Cindy Bodie’s comment in response to my last blog about how much she adores her older children, even though they put her through hell. It reminds me of a conversation I had with Foster Cline a few years ago. I told him how it upset me that I was getting so cynical. He said he completely understood but he had an advantage over me … he is a couple of decades older. (That’s an advantage???) He said he had lived long enough to see kids he wouldn’t have given you any hope for who actually turned out pretty darn functional. So he had lost some of his cynicism. I never forgot that, and I look forward to the… [more]