Extended Family

We are iced in here today, and Dora is home from school. Of course, Beth is already "at school" (here at home!), so the weather doesn’t impact us one bit. After Beth completes some schoolwork and Dora does homework and chores, we’re going to bake some Christmas cookies. I recently received an email from yet another struggling family that includes a very young child who is having significant difficulties. This family is so burned out and their external resources are slim and none. Even the support they have been getting from extended family is waning as everyone grows weary of “one step forward, three steps backwards.” This family is now adding the threat of social services involvement to the already overflowing plate of worry, stress and… [more]

How many times have families living with attachment-challenged children had difficulties in getting the extended family, friends, school staff and church members to understand what life is really like within that family’s home? No matter how often nuclear family members explain how a child with intimacy issues behaves in the face of expected intimacy, those who do not directly experience the child’s rejecting behaviors just don’t see the big picture. (Carrying this one step further ... often husbands living with the child don't see the big picture!!) No intimacy is required at school, or church, or the neighbor’s house after school. Long visits with relatives can be a bit more problematic, but I have seen more than one child hold it together… [more]

Before I discuss Katherine Leslie’s views about parent/child relationships, I want to share with you another relationship in my life that is “problematic”. Ever since I was a child, my relationship with my brother has been, shall we say, challenging? He teased me mercilessly, and I frankly don’t remember too many perks to go with the liabilities. It wasn’t where he teased me a lot but was emotionally available to me and supportive as well; rather, our interactions were essentially adversarial as I always remember being teased and teased and teased. I clearly remember admiring my best friend's terrific relationship with her older brother and wishing I had the same experience. My mom was an only child and had no frame of reference for… [more]

One of the underlying themes I hear all the time from parents contacting me is how their extended families just don’t get the big picture. Most of us come to grips with the fact that our neighbors, the school staff, folks at church and the glaring lady at the grocery store are clueless. But when our own families forget the things they know about the child they raised or the sibling they giggled with or conspired with … well, that’s harder to take. My dad has struggled forever over what to do about Amy. We nearly came to blows about it several years ago when I essentially threw in the towel. He said, “You just can’t quit!” and I said, “Tell me something I… [more]

I spent about 4 hours last night and this morning setting up a digital photo frame I purchased for my mom for Mother’s Day. (It’s a safe bet she’s not reading my blog regularly… turning on the computer can still be a bit of a challenge for her on some days…) I have pictures loaded and I am going to send it “ready to plug in and play”. I can add more pictures using my laptop or digital memory cards when we visit in the future. This picture of her is one of them that I put in the digital frame. Mother’s Day is, as I mentioned previously, a good holiday for me. I love celebrating my role as Mom, and I love my… [more]

I just returned from the Rotary club presentation. Even little presentations take gearing up for… and I’m usually pretty drained afterwards. I have no clue how Nancy Thomas keeps the schedule she does! I came home to a sea of hungry dogs. They have all been satisfied and as soon as their food digests, we’ll all go for a walk and decompress. Do you have a mental picture of me walking FIVE dogs? The presentation went well. Very tough to describe our lives in 15 minutes. Interestingly enough, the man assigned to be a “greeter” today informed me that he and his wife just completed MAPP training… the foster parent certification in our state. They have three bio kids, ages 5-10 or so… [more]