Dora is locked in the throes of passive-aggressive behavior to the max. She’s always mad about something and it is coming through every action and body movement possible. I guess she’s really relaxing and letting it all hang out—‘cuz it is. Fun fun. She went to school this morning looking like her finger got stuck in a light socket—all because she was mad that I told her she had filling manure bags in her future because she was struggling so much to do even the simplest chore. That was enough to set her off and she decided not to get her hair done. Not a problem... more

How many times are you reminded about something or prompted about something once that "something" is on your radar screen? I remember being pregnant with Kyle and Stephanie and seeing pregnant bellies everywhere I looked.

The same phenomenon is happening with this homeschooling thing. God must be talking to me, because it seems as if every time I turn around, something else is prompting me to explore the idea of bringing Beth (and eventually Dora) home for school. Last week at the ATTACh conference I had several opportunities to speak to Katherine... more

Last night was a double-header. Dora has been struggling to regain control since the exhausting conference, the therapy sessions, and a note from her mom. She has been the passive/aggressive queen. Beth is struggling with school—not academically, but socially and emotionally. She’s not the happy camper bouncing off the bus that she was last year.

My husband is traveling this week and I have been a solo parent … (wait, that’s not much different than normal … oops, did I say that???) Last night I had Dora in the rocking chair from 7:15 until a few minutes... more

One reader commented on my previous post and wondered how to manage to send chirpy messages of encouragement to a child who does absolutely nothing with their life. Oh, boy, can I relate to this. This reader said she had lowered her expectations to the very bottom level, and she was still being disappointed … and her daughter knew that her mom was disappointed. This mom wanted to know if she was supposed to hide her disappointment …

For starters, one of... more

Beth asked me last night while we were rocking and cuddling before bed why she had trouble maintaining eye contact sometimes. I started by telling her what my therapist friend told me when we were at the ATTACh conference last week. He and his therapy partner worked several hours with Dora, and we discussed the fact that Beth could use a “tune up.” His assessment was that Beth knew I loved her, but wasn’t sure why she was lovable.

I started our conversation by addressing Beth’s losses and how those losses affect her willingness to risk... more

After our somewhat challenging start to the day this morning, I redeemed myself (hopefully) with the girls by having banana bread just ready to come out of the oven when they arrived home early from school. Today was an “early release” day where they get out at 2 PM. This is a once-a-month deal where the teachers get some extra preparation time. We used the extra time to go horseback riding. It was a beautiful, sunny, 70 degree day. Dora was able to use her brand new riding helmet that... more

A long time ago, I heard a story of an enterprising mom who grew very weary of her son’s constant lying. One day she caught him in yet another lie, and she told him, “I owe you a lie!” Some time passed, and one day he approached her about having a bunch of his friends over on Saturday night. She readily agreed, and he invited his friends and planned his party. A short time before the party was to begin, his mom looked at him and said, “Remember that lie I owed you? I’m paying you back right now. There will be no party.” This young man had to call all his friends... more

Reader’s Digest is one of my favorite quick reads. My life is so crazy that reading in small bytes is about all I can do … and Reader’s Digest gives me a chance to read about something besides attachment and trauma issues … or does it?

The recent November issue of the magazine had several articles that brought me back to … you guessed it … trauma and trauma related issues. One article was about an Iraq war veteran who had what was termed “conversion disorder”. This young man was confined to... more

I thoroughly enjoyed Mary’s recent post about setting limits, and the joys and struggles of integrating new but older kids into the family. The same kinds of dynamics are going on at my house. Lots of “taken for granted” rules that the other kids know that Dora doesn’t … some of which are related to setting boundaries around attachment issues, and some of which are just “this is the way we do it here.”

Dora loves to barge ahead when we walk, attempting to drag me forward as well. Not... more

I spent the day dealing with Hurricane Dora, who is dead tired (as we all are) from the conference; processing the aftermath of four hours of intense therapy; and probably starting to emerge from a honeymoon phase. The plan was for her to go to the Chiefs game today with Beth and my husband, but Dora was not football game material. She stayed with me and honed her passive/aggressive skills. I have to say, Dora is far easier (at least so far) than most kids I have experienced (or maybe my experience level is working in my favor) but still this is by no means easy.... more