At the end of this year, I will have been writing this blog for two years. I embarked upon this blog-writing adventure because I love to write, I love to educate, and I love to advocate. When I was a practicing veterinarian, one of the things I most enjoyed was talking to and educating my clients about how to be more informed and better prepared pet owners.

I have invested over a decade of my life into the creation and growth of the Attachment & Trauma Network—another vehicle for supporting, educating and advocating... more

Apparently, Beth was wrestling with more than just hormones last night. She was moody again this morning and barely made it out the door to catch her bus. When she came in the house after school, I was in the rocking chair with Dora, whose mood had also tanked about mid-afternoon. I wasn’t sure how Beth would feel, walking in and seeing me in “her” rocking chair with Dora. Beth had homework to do, so she sat down at the kitchen table and started to work. She didn’t seem too troubled... more

Yesterday I picked Beth and a couple other kids up from school and we headed to a school skating party. Dora was hoping to be completing her first afternoon at school, but it didn’t happen. (See links below for previous installments on this story.) We hadn’t heard back from the principal in time for Dora to attend school yesterday. However, I had an email waiting for me when we returned home last night … Dora will start next Monday and attend for half days for as long as necessary, as determined by me and by her teacher. She won’t start this week because the teacher... more

I spent nearly ninety minutes in the rocking chair yesterday with Dora, processing where we’ve been these past three weeks, and where we need to go. She did her morning chore well, for the first time in days. (In fact, she did it correctly this morning, too. She’s acquired more practice on animal clean-up duty today as she tackled the round pen where the horse now resides!)

We talked about how her passive/aggressive behavior rises up whenever she feels like a “throwaway kid”. We talked about her inherent worth, her many gifts and talents, and her right... more

Last week was a tough week and I was feeling my age big time. I guess that is why parenting is usually for the younger crowd! I shared my fatigue and emotional drain with my husband and he provided a most interesting analogy.

He’s a sports fan (along with Kyle) and most especially a Kansas City Chiefs fan. He said professional athletes reach their physical peak in their twenties, but don’t have as much mental understanding of the game at that point in their lives. By the time they are in their thirties or early forties, they are far more knowledgeable about their... more

Continued from here ... If you don’t know why your child is raging, take your best shot. If your child has been raging for weeks, months or years, and up until now you have interpreted it as drama, you might be shocked at how changing your approach to the tantrum (eventually) changes the outcome. Label the origin of the tantrum as anything you know about your child’s past that would make any child angry. For an internationally adopted... more

A few posts ago I addressed the issue of tantrums. My favorite term for it is meltdown. I think that word adequately describes what is occurring in most cases.

One reader wondered how to differentiate between anger or sadness induced meltdowns versus those perhaps motivated by a need for drama. Another part of the reader’s question focused on how to access feelings after the meltdown.

We have all seen children who are “spoiled”... more

I am so tired again tonight. I don’t think there are enough Heath bars in the world to rejuvenate me tonight.

Dora had a really rough week last week, although yesterday was a bit better. She started off this morning showing her mad through her actions … before we even had breakfast. She soon found herself outside pulling weeds with my husband.

We attended a swim team awards banquet and ice cream social, and then came home and loaded Beth’s pony on a trailer and sent her off to a new home. There were some tears from both Beth and me … but the pony is... more

Continued from here ...

Often I scoop up a wailing child immediately and head to the rocking chair, but when Dora erupted over losing the privilege of attending the Neil Sedaka concert as well as being held accountable for her manipulations, I let her hash it out alone for a few minutes. She was screaming, and her words, although directed at the occupants of my household, were really intended for a different audience. It was heartbreaking. As much as I wanted to comfort her immediately,... more

As I write this, my husband and Beth are at a concert listening to Neil Sedaka. OK, that dates me. But who cares. We bought Pops concert tickets last year when we were an immediate family of three. Now we are four. Our options for tonight’s concert were: Dad and daughters; Mom and daughters; Dad, Mom and one daughter (which would be Dora because I’m not leaving her with anyone, but would leave Beth at a friend’s house). I had decided on Dad and daughters, because I am absolutely toast after a very long, hard week. Ah, but the best laid plans ... Dora’s week culminated in the meltdown... more