How many times have families living with attachment-challenged children had difficulties in getting the extended family, friends, school staff and church members to understand what life is really like within that family’s home? No matter how often nuclear family members explain how a child with intimacy issues behaves in the face of expected intimacy, those who do not directly experience the child’s rejecting behaviors just don’t see the big picture. (Carrying this one step further ... often husbands living with... more

My family belongs to a fabulous, but large, church in our community. We joined when there were about 400 people, over 13 years ago. We missed it desperately when we were in Illinois, and we are so glad to be back here. Now there are over 15,000 in worship at one of the five services each weekend.

It just so happens that two of the senior pastors are neighbors … not bad considering there are only 14 lots in our neighborhood! Actually the senior senior pastor was the one who conceived of and developed our large lot subdivision.... more

Beth has had four full days of school thus far. Fortunately, swim practice doesn’t start until mid-September, giving her a chance to get adjusted to the school schedule. She’s tired, and when she’s tired, things get a little tougher. (Why should she be any different than the rest of us?) She’s very motivated at school and very conscious of peer relationships. Consequently, she’s pretty whipped at the end of a day of trying to make everything go perfectly. It isn’t an obsessive/compulsive or controlling need to make things... more

Stephanie was supposed to leave today to return to college. And on Friday she was to fly out of Minnesota and meet Beth and me in another state where we would meet this child who will perhaps be joining our family. But the best laid plans …

Instead, we are awaiting a call from the doctor’s office this morning to see if Stephanie has Mononucleosis. Fun, fun. Her lymph nodes are swollen and her throat hurts and she’s just plain punk. I was so disappointed in... more

I have promised to discuss Katherine Leslie’s views on the parent-child relationship, and that is the topic for today. This information originates from Katherine’s closing keynote at ATN’s conference a few weeks ago, as well as her brand new book, The Guidebook for Developing Mutual Well-Being in Parent-Child Relationships. Note the word prominently stated in the title—MUTUAL. What a significant word!

Katherine states:

Being... more

Before I discuss Katherine Leslie’s views about parent/child relationships, I want to share with you another relationship in my life that is “problematic”.

Ever since I was a child, my relationship with my brother has been, shall we say, challenging? He teased me mercilessly, and I frankly don’t remember too many perks to go with the liabilities. It wasn’t where he teased me a lot but was emotionally available to me and supportive as well; rather, our interactions were essentially adversarial as I always remember being teased... more

A reader inquired about whether or not Amy would have fared better in another family … someplace other than in my family? Julie addressed that in a recent blog, and she linked several blogs I have written on that same topic:

Goodness of fit does matter

You... more

I have certainly learned a great deal about relationships on my journey through life. Probably most importantly, I have learned that relationships ARE what life is really all about. How many stories have we read about rich, famous people who seem to have it all, but are so lonely and bereft of the real stuff of life? Princess Diana comes to mind. The magazines and television shows are full of speculation on what she would be doing right now, ten years after her death. While her relationship with her sons was wonderful, her other personal... more

Beth and I didn’t end up going to the Chief’s game last night. She had a mini-meltdown … the stress of the first day of school was a bit much for her. I was not sure keeping her out late last night was a great idea to begin with, and her meltdown only confirmed my fears. So my husband went and Beth and I stayed home. It was good that we did, as we had a fierce thunderstorm and I had several very antsy dogs to handle.

I learned through the family grapevine last night that apparently Amy does, indeed, have a safety net... more

Last night I fixed one of our family favorites for dinner … barbecued pork on the grill. Although little in life ever revved Amy’s motor, I would have to say that eating this particular meal probably came the closest to getting a reaction. Not enough that it ever had any motivating capability, but I do think it was “pleasurable” to her in whatever sense she defines that word. So as I was preparing it, I thought of her … of the dialog and commenting that has been occurring on this blog about her lack of responsibility for her life,... more