I am dead tired tonight after driving over 500 miles today. I am in Tennessee, on my way to visit aging relatives tomorrow. I have my 83 year old mom with me. No dogs, no kids … kinda quiet.

I really appreciated all the feedback and input on the structure post. I’m not sure I made it clear that I view structure much like one reader stated: if you do X, then Y will happen. It isn’t necessarily just about negative actions... more

This post generated several comments, so I thought I would take this opportunity to respond to one of them.

One reader has this to say:

I have to admit I feel the hair on my neck stand up every time you mention structure. I hear strict and military-like. Please define what you mean by structure. My life is as structured as I can make it, but sometimes bedtimes slip or meals are on the fly or... more

I have been struggling all morning to write this post. I started off the day quite early, preparing for a live segment on our local Fox News about our upcoming conference. For awhile this morning the videotape wasn't working correctly, resulting in a flurry of emails and phone calls about that. It appears to be working now.

After the TV spot, I rushed home to prepare for a scheduled radio... more

As I discussed in my last post, one of the most critical keys to successful therapeutic parenting is to provide the sense of structure and stability that allows your child to relax and leave you in charge. To do this, you can’t be reactive, you must be proactive.

You must always be thinking ahead of your child. You must anticipate how the day will unfold and do your best to circumvent all the potential pitfalls... more

There are some reoccurring themes that appear over and over as I work with families and speak to parents across the country. Sometimes I think I sound like a broken record, but some things bear repeating…

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of providing significant structure for children who have experienced loss and trauma. Think about my horse and zebra analogy. If I look out at my domesticated horses, especially the one I just bought who is so low key and mellow,... more

It amazes me how many people assume teenagers have some inherent right to be nasty and disrespectful simply because they are teens. How often have you heard a parent dismiss and ignore disruptive and ugly behavior with the comment, “Teenagers! There’s nothing you can do with them!”

I beg to disagree. I don’t think there is any age where it is acceptable and appropriate for one person to treat another person badly, simply because they are “at that age”. Toddlers can learn appropriate ways of responding and controlling... more

I am stiff, sore and sunburned today after a long, physically exhausting day yesterday. Beth and I headed out early in the morning with the horse trailer in tow and managed to find a place to park it at a local hospital while I had my last physical therapy appointment for my out-of-alignment bones. Then we headed once again to the middle of nowhere Missouri to pick up our new horse. We made good time getting there, BUT … we spent OVER... more

I had a very interesting discussion with Katherine Leslie when I finally got out of central Missouri and back into Sprint cell phone range on my way back from buying a horse … We were talking about assessing a child for the capacity to attach.

Katherine said if one thought the child had the ability to attach, it was only a matter of “sitting and waiting... more

When we adopted Beth after having had so much difficulty with our first two adopted kids, many folks wondered why on earth we had ventured forth yet again. We did try and adopt Beth through the domestic foster care system, even though she was a disrupting international placement, because we were hoping to secure some kind of subsidy to hedge our bet against hemorrhaging money on yet another deeply wounded child. My husband figured we had spent over $40,000 on our first two troubled kids by the time we added Beth. That is a... more

Today was one of those non-stop days. I started by attending the KC METRO Child Traumatic Stress meeting. This is a networking coalition that is an off-shoot of a group that I attended when I lived in the KC area in the 90’s. At that time it was called the Coalition for Positive Family Relationships and anyone in the community—any nonprofit or agency or whatever—that dealt with kids, families, elderly people, or anything family related, could come to these meetings... more