We have three children that we adopted. All from the same biological mother. The boys were 4 and 11 mos. when we took custody. A few years later, we took custody of our daughter when she was six days old.

The oldest boy is now 11 years old. Before he came into our home, he spent his first three years with his biological mother. I don’t know all the details. But I know enough to make my heart ache. He was shuffled from place to place so Mom could go party. There was meth, marijuana, alcohol, etc. He was severely abused. When the boys were removed from their mother they were living in a car. In February in the midwest. I don’t have to paint a picture of how cold that is. They were placed in a foster home. While they had a roof over their head, there were issues there as well. Poor nutrition, no set schedule, etc.

Anyway, our oldest struggled from the start. He had no idea what a “stranger” was. He didn’t understand consequences. He was mean to other kids. He would spit on the teachers at daycare. Refuse to follow rules. We saw a lot of things that I guess we chose to ignore. School was a nightmare. I would start each school year hopeful that this was going to be the year that everything “clicked”. And that everything would be OK.

About a year ago, things started to detoriate quickly. We knew something was going on with the boys. We just didn’t know what. Our oldest started having all kinds of attitude. He was beating up little kids. “Losing” homework and other belongings. Lying about the obvious, etc.

He went to school one day. Came in from recess and had marks on his arm. When asked where they came from he said, “My Mom did it”. This prompted an immediate police investigation. The three adults in our home were questioned. We all said the same thing – “He is not truthful. He will make things up to get out of trouble. He needs help”. My son was questioned four times in four days. Each time, he had multiple stories. Even adding that I beat him every week, I beat him in the head with a book, my husband hit him with a belt every week. Finally, law enforcement and HHS told us if I didn’t admit to leaving the marks on his arm our other children would be taken away and we wouldn’t see them again for a very long time.

We put our son into therapy immediately. We had to hire an attorney. I was charged with two misdemeanors. We were both charged with child abuse. Eventually, all of these charges were dropped. However, it became apparent that my son was going to need much more treatment than insurance was going to cover and we put him into state custody but kept him in our home. The final insult from the department was when the original case worker was getting ready to leave the department. On her last day, she added my name to the child abuse register. Even though all charges were dropped. Luckily, the attorneys involved in our case (our personal attorney, the GAL and county attorney) all wrote letters to request my name be removed. Which did happen.

I caught my older son molesting our younger son. He looked me right in the eye when I caught him and denied it. Still denies it to this day. He started masturbating constantly. Out in the open. He was sneaking out of his room at night. We had to put alarms on his bedroom door and windows to keep the other kids safe. We had him under 24/7 supervision. We had to know where the kids were at all times. And they could not be left alone for even a second. He would hurt younger kids at daycare. Words cannot begin to describe what is like to have to file a report with the local Sheriff’s department against your own child.

The summer wasn’t much fun. We requested respite care to give everyone a break. HHS denied our request. The judge in our case had to order it. It still took two weeks and two days’ worth of phone calls to receive a 48 hour break from the stress and anxiety.

The first psychologist we took him to said he was bi-polar and possibly had RAD and put him on anti-psychotic medication. When we researched RAD we were shocked. It was like they profiled our son to a “T”. The only symptom he does not exhibit is cruelty to animals. He actually loves animals and would rather spend time with animals than people. When he wasn’t making any improvement we took him to a new psychologist who confirmed the RAD. The psychologist also told me that my son was a psychopath.

Two months ago, we had to place our son in foster care until he could be placed in a treatment program. He had threatened our younger son that he was going to run away from school and find his brother and kill him. Mind you, this was under his breath in the backseat of the car on the way to school. He had mastered a way to get to his brother under our supervision.

We have now discovered that our son was sneaking out of his room at night and taking knives from the kitchen and threatening to stab his brother.

It has been ten weeks since an application has been submitted for him to receive intensive therapy. A suitable placement still cannot be located for our son. Every residential treatment facility and group home in our state has denied his application. There is not any treatment foster care available. We keep hearing the same things in the denials – He is too young. He is too agressive. He has sexual acting out. He has a high potential to start fires.

HHS still treats us like this all of our fault. I will never trust the department again. They have completely mishandled this case and refuse to make any apologies for it. We are on our third worker in seven months. When I complain about our treatment I am just told by the workers “I can’t make up for what another worker did”. I’ve even had a supervisor tell me “to get over it” and to “get on with my life”. They just refuse to listen or understand.

The “temporary” home my son has been placed in is a joke. There are younger children in the home. Despite the department being told repeatedly he cannot be around younger children. Three out of four weekends he is placed in respite because the foster mother “has things to do”. We still get my son to school every day, pack his lunch, provide all of his necessities, pay for activities, etc.

We have lost all faith in the process. Our legal bills keep building. We are over $5k already. Lost wages to get to court, appointments, assessments,keeping him at home when he “cycling” and a danger to others, etc. are even more. And we’ve been warned by the attorneys that HHS will soon file papers for us to start paying the state child support. We are to a point where we feel helpless. We’ve been told to prepare ourselves for the day when we see our son on the news because he has killed another person or people. I can no longer be left alone with him in case he “snaps” and hurts me. If he goes away to treatment, he could come home and possibly use more sophisticated weapons against us. (i.e. a steak knife instead of a butter knife). I will never be able to be alone with him in my home. We can’t even think about what he may do to our daughter if his sexual acting out gets worse.

It is obvious that he is not going to get the treatment he needs. The closest specialists are 200-400+ miles away. (we live in a rural area). HHS refuses to move him that far away from us. There isn’t a foster home around that will provide the 24-hour supervision he needs and get him to his therapy appointments. We can’t bring him home because he is a danger to everyone in our family.

I still love my son despite all of this. I cry every day. When I see him and he hasn’t showered in 4 days or brushed his teeth, it kills me. His current foster Mom feels that “he’s eleven – he should know what to do”. And he doesn’t. RAD kids don’t understand what is expected of them. They have to be told. Again and again and again. Every single day. My son is a 40 on the GAF scale. I don’t know how he will make it through life. And he won’t care if I am in it or not. But I do.

Some guidance, suggestions, anything would be greatly appreciated. We are at a fork in the road and we have to make a decision which direction we’re going to take.

He is best described as a “developmental neuropsychologist,” specializing in the treatment of “institutional autism” (which he also calls “post-traumatic autism,” or “post-institutional autistic syndrome”).

Dr. Federici is licensed by the Virginia Board, and is the holder of a Psy. D. degree.

Dr. Ronald Federici is the author of “Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families, With Special Discussion for Assessing and Treating the Post-Institutionalized Child” and is the founder of Neuropsychological and Family Practice Associates, in McLean, Virginia.

He has worked with adopted children from Russia, Romania, Ukraine and Belarus. He is also the father to seven adopted children of his own.

Federici is also an outspoken opponent of dangerous practices, such as those resulting in the death of Candace Newmaker. In addition, he has also sought to provide as much assistance as possible to children living in orphanages and other institutions with deplorable conditions.

More information about Dr. Federici and his work can be found at:

http://ronaldfederici.wordpress.com (Ronald Federici blog)

http://ronfederici.wordpress.com (Ron Federici blog)

http://childrenintherapy.wordpress.com (Children in Therapy)

http://advocatesforchildrenintherapy.wordpress.com (Advocates for Children in Therapy)

http://angelinajolieadoptions.wordpress.com (Angelina Jolie’s adoptions; Dr. Federici is Angelina Jolie’s adoption consultant)

Have any of you even thought for a moment…

That these children suffer from all these disorders you describe..because they have been jerked around by this department that suppossedly protects children?

Or that their disorders are caused from being separated from their families?

I have a child that was diagnosed with RAD. From the very moment I found the birth parents and engaged my child in therapy I paid for (borrowed from my retirement account)with his BOI parents and his adopted parents (us) the symtoms of his RAD have just about dissapeared.

Mind you, I had alot of convincing to do with all parties (including the therapist especially)and it took almost six months for all parties to agree.

If I had it to do all over again..I would never have adopted through DSH. I have discovered information that would scare the snot out of each of you. The therapist is even shocked!

This is all about our son (theirs and ours)

http://www.strugglingteen.net/