Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

My husband’s response was less than positive to my suggestion that we adopt yet again. And I couldn’t blame him. We had spent lots of time, energy (both emotional and physical) and money, both getting the kids here and trying to help them heal. We didn’t have much to show for it at the time except public condemnation, personal crises and lost hopes and dreams.


It was not typical of me to specify a country when I considered adopting again… so for me to say, “I want a Chinese baby girl” was noteworthy. I wasn’t at all sure where that notion came from, as it really did erupt somewhat spontaneously from my mouth. And I agreed with my husband… I was not interested in filling out reams of paperwork, jumping through endless hoops, and spending obscene amounts of money to bring a baby directly from China. Still, the idea wouldn’t go away…


I started “nesting”. I bought the crib I spied at the church rummage sale. We were a licensed foster home (with no kids in placement) and I prompted our caseworker to start looking harder for babies or toddlers! The months rolled on, and then it was August 1999, about 8 months from my declaration to adopt a Chinese child.


ADN was still in its infancy, but we were receiving an increasing volume of calls. They were as likely to be from New York as California… or from Florida to Canada. In August we received a call from a family twenty minutes away from me! It was Beth’s first adoptive family.


Beth had arrived in the US from China at the tender age of 8 months. Videotape taken in China shows a child leaning back and turning her head when first adoptive mom leaned forward. The signs were there, but no one knew what they were looking for.


Additionally, Beth’s first adoptive mom was pregnant when they left for China. They had done all the right things… they had asked both the local agency and the national placing agency what they should do. The answer was, “If you think you want two children, go for it!” No discussion about the reality of parenting two babies, one who “matches” and one who doesn’t. No understanding of the losses Beth had experienced and how that might impact her going forward.

To be continued...