It seems inconceivable to me that I could be so overcome with emotion merely by reading this book, and that it would take me a few days to recover. I thought I was further down the path than this. After all, my tough kids are gone. I’m the one who holds the hands of moms these days, not the other way around. Actually, I have been holding moms’ hands for a decade now, even as some of my close ADN friends were still holding mine. I was once told by a therapist that I should not have started ADN until after I had “recovered” from my own experiences, as I brought too much anger, emotion and sadness to the table. I replied it was those very emotions and the depth of those emotions that gave me the most credibility to do what I was doing… the moms knew I knew what they needed… because it was what I needed, too.


I want to share another passage with you… This one has really kept my head spinning as I process this book. Deb is talking about visiting her son in a residential facility. She is full of emotions… fear, anticipation, hope and despair, all rolled into one confused bundle. She has a plan about how she will approach him. She wants to look in his eyes and discern if he is telling the truth. She has questions she wants answered… she has a plan of engagement…

Suddenly the door opened, and in walked Colton. No knock, no time to prepare—he was just there and was running toward me. I stood, and he grabbed me and held me tighter than I had ever been held in my life.

He said, “My knees are shaking. I think I’m going to fall down.” I held him tighter. We both cried—no, we both wept. We wept with sadness and with joy. We wept for the time lost and the time we now had. We could not let go of each other. I sensed Joe standing behind me, waiting his turn, but I could not let go of my son. He was part of me, and I wanted him back.

Finally Joe reached in to get his hug. It was not the same as mine. It was a sideways, one-armed hug. Joe had been able to do what I had not. He had held his emotion until he could find out more. I had simply fallen back into my role of mother, and I was again vulnerable and open. He would protect himself, for at least a moment. I envied that.

I cannot count the number of times over the years that I have opened up my heart, again and again, full of hope and anticipation of change, only to have it stepped on once more. What about you?


I am not yet done with my thoughts about this book. I am not quite sure where my thoughts will take me, but I know I’m not done. And an interview of Deb is in the works… so stay tuned for that.

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