While I was exhibiting last weekend at an adoption fair, commemorating November as Adoption month, I met a man in his late 40’s who identified himself as having serious attachment and PTSD issues. He reminded me a great deal of Nancy Ashe.


His story was that he was the youngest of four children, and he spent about a year and a half on the streets and 8 years in an orphanage. This was 4 decades ago, of course, and the state was Alabama, I think.


This man has been married for fourteen years, and he was at the adoption fair with his wife and children. And yet, he stated that only about four years ago did he decide life was worth living at all! His wife was standing there when he said that, and it was at that point I inquired as to how long they had been married … she’s the one who blurted out, “Longer than four years!” He went on to say how he had often thought of suicide; how he had managed to stay out of jail, although he wasn’t sure how and he had often thought that jail might not be so bad, since you were fed and housed and had no responsibilities (a comment made by Nancy Ashe as well.) He said his wife had hauled him to therapy over the years, and that he felt like he was in a reasonably good place right now. We talked about EMDR and he mentioned that other therapists had suggested that to him, but he was reticent to stir the pot when he was somewhat stable at this time.


At his urging, he and his wife had adopted or fostered several children, and they had experienced some of the challenges of heading down that path. This man’s main mission at this point is to let others know that it is possible to survive and thrive. It is mind-boggling to consider that only four of his 47 years would he consider as happy, but still … I guess he did survive.


I know I have hawked this before, but I will do it again … I urge ALL of you to get Nancy Ashe’s DVD from our first conference. You can order it right here, and the one you want is the Friday keynote, Holding on to hope, letting go of expectations. (There are other fabulous resources there, but the one I am talking about now is Nancy Ashe's!) I am not the marketing guru of ATN, I am all about service, but this is one exception I make to marketing. I think this DVD should be in the hands of every single person affected by adoption, whether (bio or adoptive) parent, professional, or adoptee. So much of what this man said last weekend is echoed in this DVD … apparently Nancy is speaking for many displaced, attachment-affected, traumatized adoptees. Another resource along those same lines is Janet Keall's DVD from our last conference.


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