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We had a fabulous weekend in Des Moines, catching up with Stephanie and Kyle and Marie. We improved the local economy by shopping rather prolifically at the mall. Steph made out like a bandit, acquiring numerous sweaters to help her combat those cold Minnesota winters.
Saturday night we went out to dinner and ended up in a long discussion telling “family stories.” We talked about my side of the family as well as my husband’s side. After we returned to the hotel, I asked Beth what she thought about the discussion. She said she thought it was interesting, and she remarked on several different specific comments I had made…indicating she had really listened and absorbed the conversation. I told her I was glad she had listened and enjoyed the conversation, because I knew that when those conversations had occurred in the past, in the company of Tommy and Amy, they had resented those stories and felt like “the family” didn’t include them or their history. I pointed out to Beth how I was not biologically related to my husband’s family but was related to them by marriage… and how the stories we told were part of my history because some of those incidents occurred when I was there, and I had personally been involved in them. She agreed, and enthusiastically stated that she definitely felt like part of the family. I can’t tell you how much that response meant to me.
Coincidentally, Beth has a big school project due this week where she had to research one ancestor who immigrated to America. We spent much of yesterday afternoon creating a PowerPoint presentation about my paternal great grandfather who immigrated from Prussia in 1856. We have all kinds of information (and pictures) thanks to a document compiled by my uncle. More on that coming…
As you can see from these pictures, Beth IS very much a part of the family. Her siblings were so glad to see her and everyone had a wonderful time. Beth is so full of life and so fun to be around, and so NOT “PC”… Julie, our Chinese foreign exchange student, has told us how people in China are so much more reserved and subdued. She says “Beth would not be Beth” if she were growing up in China. Wow. What a tragedy that would be, to stifle this child’s enthusiasm.
How do your attachment-challenged kids respond to family stories? Do they want to claim them but have trouble doing so? Do they overtly reject them? One of Amy’s many therapists once told me she needed to love herself before she could love us. So true. She doesn’t claim herself, therefore she is not yet ready to claim anyone else… Same for Tommy. So sad.
What great pictures and what very cute kids you have. What you said is so true. I think my RADish liked the stories but could never quite fit into them. Then again he doesn’t love himself and I think that it will be a long time if ever that he loves someone else.
That second picture is beautiful. I think it screams “CHRISTMAS PRESENT” in a frame. Oh yes.
You’ve given me something to discuss with DS. He likes to hear the stories, but I don’t know how much he claims them. Sometimes he’ll add his own stories from his childhood.
One story in particular sticks out, since my nephew has a similar story. DS liked to climb on his (bio)grandfather’s tummy (as it was large) when he was young. I told him about his cousin, who is a year and a half older who did the same thing to my dad. I could tell he like the story because it gave them a connection, although to different grandfathers.
Thanks, Nancy. You’ve reminded me that we still have things we can work on that will only benefit our family.