Several of you have inquired about Beth’s response to the concept that our family would add another child. Her input is vital. The very last thing I want to do is completely upset her equilibrium. However, having said that, I also think she is somewhat falling into a Princess mode and it might not be a horrible idea for her to have a sibling more her age. She obviously isn’t an only child right now, but she is clearly the youngest. She is essentially being raised as an "only".


When this first crossed the horizon, her response was much like mine. Partly intrigued and excited, partly apprehensive. One moment she says “Let’s do it!” and the next she isn’t so sure. As more information about the child has become available, and she has had a couple of weeks to process the concept, she is leaning more towards “Yay” than “Nay”.


We have talked about the idea that if this child joins us, he/she will be glued to me pretty much 24/7, just as Beth was when she joined us after a disruption. And that means during times of travel as well, (as in already-committed conference obligations, etc.) I am less worried about the new addition’s school attendance and more interested in facilitating attachment, but I might be less inclined to pull Beth out of school “just because.” Especially since I already have a trip or two planned this fall that includes Beth that might already involve some missed school days. So Beth’s reaction is initially one of “I don’t want to be left out.” That is a perfectly normal reaction and we have explored that in depth. She understands that "fair" will have to be defined in terms of overall mental health and needs.


I have also pointed out to Beth what a good deal it might be if this child works in our family and they develop a good sibling bond. Beth says I am the only person she feels comfortable sharing her feelings with, but I suggested another child with a similar history experiencing similar situations as an adoptee might be a great addition to her “trusted inner circle”.


At this point, no decisions are written in granite. Everything is on hold until we meet the child in a little over a month. But for now, we are moving forward, and for me at least, the anticipation is mounting!



Here's an article that says sometimes it is OK to adopt out of birth order. But I have personally seen many cases where it was NOT a good idea!