Continued from here ...

Often I scoop up a wailing child immediately and head to the rocking chair, but when Dora erupted over losing the privilege of attending the Neil Sedaka concert as well as being held accountable for her manipulations, I let her hash it out alone for a few minutes. She was screaming, and her words, although directed at the occupants of my household, were really intended for a different audience. It was heartbreaking. As much as I wanted to comfort her immediately, I let her wind up even more. She has a ton of anger and pain that she must acknowledge and address. She was miserable. In fairly short order I did escort her to the rocking chair.


We had yet another painful but therapeutic session in the chair. For the second time in one day we were both in tears. She hurts so badly and I am powerless to do anything but hold her through it. I found myself wondering several times throughout the day if children who lose a parent through an accident or something like 9-11 are adequately supported through their grief? My life revolves around grief and loss. I get it far more than I’d like to … but what about the “average Joe”? I can’t imagine how emotionally unhealthy it would be for Dora to stuff all these feelings, only to have them leak out into all areas of her life.


After hysterically crying and verbally expressing some very honest emotions, Dora settled down somewhat and expressed her sadness at not attending the concert. She also independently volunteered her remorse at declaring she didn’t want a sister. She said she was just very angry. I continue to be very impressed by this child’s depth, realness, and intelligence. She has so many tools.


We talked for quite some time about the decisions made about her future—decisions over which she had no control. I acknowledged that much of what has happened to her is not fair. She so badly wants certain things to happen or change—but what she wants will not happen.


There were many aspects to this session that I don’t feel at liberty to share right now, but perhaps I can in the future. Suffice it to say, it wiped us both out. After I gave her a snack I tucked her into bed. And then I addressed my stress by raiding my pantry and consuming snack mix, chips and salsa, and my second mini-Heath bar of the day!


Unless something else happens here that I feel inclined to share immediately, I'll get back to my tantruming post next.


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