My freshly manicured hands are now full of blisters after having cotton rope pulled through them by a horse determined not to get in our trailer. This is really a neat horse—very well mannered, willing to please, very low-key. He’s simply convinced he won’t fit in our trailer and he’s afraid. We tried the “my way or the highway” approach (not dissimilar from what we tried in July for four long hours) and it simply didn’t work. I hated it, too. He wasn’t being belligerent … he was afraid.


So here’s what we did. We put my horse trailer in our round pen and after I tape up the electrical wires and tie down some buckets, he will start living in the round pen and eating out of the trailer. I will slowly move the food and water farther and farther back into the trailer, with the hope that eventually his hunger and thirst will overcome his fear … especially if no one is there forcing him. This feels MUCH better to me and I have the time to wait him out. If it doesn’t work, I guess we’ll get that new horse trailer I’ve been wanting much sooner than we planned! (He loads fine in a different type of trailer!) This is a classic way to train foals (baby horses) and hopefully it will work for the older model horse as well.


And so it is with Dora, too. She’s afraid, and her behaviors are indicative of her fear and distrust. She’s got “sticky fingers” … a behavior reported by her parents as well. I discovered she’d been cruising around my bedroom during the time between her bedtime and mine. When I busted her, she dissolved into the second or third bout of tears for today. Once again we were in the rocking chair. When her wails subsided, I asked her how she felt when she stole. “Bad” was her response. “I did it before you picked me up!” she informed me. I told her I knew that to be true. I asked if she knew why she did it? Of course, she said, “No.”


I explained to her it was about control. It was her attempt to have some measure of control over an otherwise out-of-control life. It was also an outlet for some of that mad and sad. She does have a conscience, and she is bothered by her behavior. When she steals, it reinforces her “I’m a bad kid” mentality.


Her bedroom was alarmed at home. Of course, I have an arsenal of alarms, motion detectors and cameras used on previous occupants of my home. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to continue an unhealthy behavior because it reinforced negative messages. Although she protested, I placed a motion alarm in my room that prevents her from getting out of bed undetected. She will also lose any out-of-sight privileges for awhile.


She still stalled out on homework all day and continued with passive/aggressive behaviors. We didn’t get an appointment with the eye doctor until tomorrow, so instead we went riding tonight. Beth and I rode bareback in our pasture and this time Dora sat out. I can’t reward reverse motion. I don’t blame her for being mad, sad and passive/aggressive, but she needs to learn to express those feelings in healthy ways, rather than manipulative ones. (It was a good day for her not to be behind me anyway, as the flies were biting horribly and my horse was quite cranky!)


I promise I will answer the questions you have been asking … thanks for your patience.


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