Part one of three

Last time I started talking about disruption, I ended up describing how Beth joined our family. I never got around to talking about that nefarious “underground network” that was mentioned in this article.


Neither ADN nor I are personally involved in that “network”, but I have assisted several families in rehoming children. All cases were handled legally and appropriately; I was just the messenger, connecting the parties.


The first question most folks ask is, “Where are the placing agencies when these families are disrupting adoptions?” A legitimate question…


Most placing agencies do a very good job of making the disrupting family feel worse than they already do. They rarely acknowledge the valid reasons why some families decide they can’t proceed with parenting a disturbed child. Many agencies don’t even want to acknowledge the degree of disturbance the child exhibits, for fear of liability issues or financial loss. I’m sure there must be some exceptions to this rule, but the families who contact ADN have no interest in working through their placing agency.


When a family in crisis calls ADN, we first determine if there are services we can provide that would preserve the placement. Our supportive listserves and our community of understanding parents have saved many placements. When parents don’t feel so isolated and alone, they are far more able to cope.


However, some families and some situations are beyond repair. Sometimes there is a “goodness of fit” issue that compounds mental health issues exhibited by the child. Not all parents are capable of becoming therapeutic parents. Sometimes the needs of the other kids in the home make it nearly impossible for an overwhelmed mom to provide the 24/7 care needed by an attachment-challenged child.


Neither ADN staff nor I ever “lead” a parent towards any decision. We listen, we sympathize, and we suggest whatever resources we might have to assist these parents. If the family concludes they want to disrupt, I place calls or send emails to several moms I know who are either prepared to adopt again themselves or have a network of families they know who are willing to take disrupted children.


To be continued...