Part three of three

Not only is the receiving family more aware of the task ahead of them, but presumably they are more prepared to deal with the challenges of parenting an attachment-affected child. Families that have already successfully integrated emotionally disturbed children have learned therapeutic parenting techniques that can be applied to other children as well. Additionally, they usually have an already-established network of support in place, including mental health and adoption professionals who assist the family rather than work against them.


The environmental structures that may be necessary to help a child heal might already be in place in experienced homes. Door alarms or cameras may already be installed. New adoptive parents never considered the possibility that their new child might need to monitored with alarms and cameras to keep everyone safe. Experienced families sometimes forget that is not a normal family dynamic!


Because receiving families have usually already adopted children before, they are likely to approach subsequent adoptions more logically as opposed to emotionally. They are more able to make decisions with their head than with their heart. This is a beneficial approach when one is considering adding a challenging child!


Some families believe children with attachment issues do better in larger families. The theory is intimacy-fearing children are less threatened by siblings than parents. Attachments made to siblings can then be broadened to include parents. Additionally, there are often fewer emotional expectations placed on individual children in larger families…thus “taking the heat off” a child who has trouble reciprocating. A child who feels less pressured for intimacy is likely to have fewer objectionable behaviors.


No one likes to admit that disruptions occur, but of course they do. A private attorney in Wisconsin told my friend Kelly that he is now handling more disruptions than adoptions, and the vast majority of those disruptions are Eastern European children. Families are not prepared in advance, can’t understand something for which they have no frame of reference beforehand, and are almost never adequately supported after the adoption. I am always glad when they find ADN and we can at least help them through their crisis.