The subject of Beth’s losses and abandonment surfaces with some regularity in our home. Whereas Amy refused to address any aspect of her pain, Beth is the polar opposite. Beth will have a “meltdown” over some trivial thing at school or some minor perceived slight, and very quickly we will both realize that the real issue is what lies beneath… Several times a year she and I land in my big rocking chair and the most primal wail escapes from her. Usually we both end up in tears, holding on to each other for dear life, and sharing her pain. After she purges her grief, she climbs out of her depression and we move on with life… until the next time.


After my fascinating talk with Janet of the Keall Foundation, I mentioned some bits and pieces of the conversation to Beth. She has been processing it ever since. She asked me at lunch how old I though her birthmom might be? I said I had no idea, that my answer would merely be a guess. “So GUESS!” she replied. I turned to Julie, our Chinese foreign exchange student, and asked her how old the “average” woman was in China when she had her first child? (Of course, I have no way of knowing if Beth is the first or fourth or whatever…) Julie said the average first-time mom is about 25 or 26, and in rural, poorer areas, perhaps as young as late teens. Beth then deduced that probably I was older than her birthmom.... and I hastened to say, FOR SURE! "That's ok!" she informed me, "you're wiser!" And she gave me a big hug. Have I mentioned lately how much I love this kid?


One of the things Janet said to me was that she often had the feeling she was an “alien dropped from the sky.” How ironic, as I have often wondered if Beth doesn’t feel like she was dropped on the planet out of nowhere. I have heard it said that the first time many adoptees lay eyes on someone who looks like them is after they have had their own biological child. That’s a long time to wait to gain a sense of a biological connection. Those of us who know our birth families take knowing our biological origins for granted. I sure did... before I adopted kids. Now I realize what a gift it is to see what is behind me...


Since I was unable to provide Beth with any specific, personal information, she turned to Julie and said, “Tell me about China!” It is clear she has the "dropped from the sky" blues and is desperate to fill in some blanks. How I wish I could help her.


More thoughts about the Baby Moses Law to follow…


Photo Credit