As I lay awake for the umpteenth time in the wee hours of this morning, listening to Gracie holler and bark, I found myself processing my conversation with Deb Hannah yesterday. All my conversations with Deb result in massive processing afterwards. She and I have lived uncannily parallel lives, and it is weird to hear my thoughts and my feelings and my experiences coming out of someone else’s mouth! The thing is, we both know it isn't just us that have had the same experiences.... there are many of you out there, aren't there?


One of the many things we talked about was how some kids just don’t appear to be family material. This is a very non-PC viewpoint… but consider this…


The more intimate a family is, the more stressful that intimacy is for a relationally challenged child. Deb and I are both matriarchs of very touchy-feely, intimate, accountable and vulnerable families. All the things that scare the daylights out of kids who fear intimacy and accountability. I believe the more “Beaver Cleaver” your family is, the more trouble you will have incorporating a child who can’t handle that closeness. If you are a family more comfortable with connecting for ten minutes at night but essentially “doing your own thing” much of the time, an attachment-challenged child will be much less threatened. I’m not saying one type of family is “right” and one is “wrong”… just that different families work better for different kids.


I know with Tommy, he was never comfortable on the “inside” but always jealous of what we had when he was on the “outside” looking in. There was no place within our family that he felt comfortable. So what are we to do with that?

To be continued...


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