Some of you might already have heard about the brouhaha occurring in Hong Kong and involving a Dutch diplomat and his wife and Korean-born adopted daughter, Jade. This article, Can an Adopted Child be Returned? in Time magazine, addresses this story. Apparently, the diplomat “has been accused of returning his eight-year-old adopted daughter like an unwanted Christmas necktie.” Jade, adopted at 4 months of age, has been relinquished into the custody of Hong Kong’s Social Welfare Department, and the diplomat and his wife have stated, “they could no longer care for her because of the girl's emotional remoteness.”

According to the couple, their daughter and their family have undergone extensive therapy, with no change. The Time magazine article states that Jade was diagnosed with “a severe form of emotional attachment.” (Or “detachment”, one might say …?) A social work professor in Hong Kong debunks the “excuse” that Jade has attachment issues or reactive attachment disorder, saying that only happens when the child is adopted at 6 or 7 years old, not 4 months old. This professor states, “It would not happen to a child they raised for several years, raised in the family."

Nannies and babysitters portray a strained or absent relationship between the diplomat’s wife and Jade. Of course, this information is presented in such a way that most folks will immediately assume the mother made a decision to reject her daughter, and the daughter is now suffering the fall-out.

I don’t know the intimate family dynamics in this case. But I sure don’t make assumptions that Jade couldn’t possibly have severe attachment issues just because she was adopted at 4 months of age. (Once again debunking the “blank slate” theory!) And I don’t immediately assume the couple had two bio kids and categorically rejected Jade because they had “their own” kids, as many people have conjectured. By no means do I downplay the impact living with a severely unattached child has on the dynamics of a family, much less a family in the public eye. You know these folks recognized the intense scrutiny that would envelope them. This decision was not made lightly. This family is no less in crisis than the countless other families who find ATN.

The article states the father asks for sympathy and privacy, stating, "We are Jade's parents and we feel responsible for her well-being." The parents are being totally vilified in the public eye. Can anyone else relate to that?

I am not defending this couple or their decision. But neither am I criticizing them. As I stated in the beginning of this blog, I don't have all the facts. I would be willing to bet, however, that there are many aspects to this case that the average person will never, ever understand--nor want to understand.

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