I apologize if you are tired of me pontificating about the Virginia Tech incident… but I simply am not able to put this behind me just yet. Not from a parental perspective, and not from a child mental health advocacy perspective.


I heard something on the news a few minutes ago that really grabbed my attention. I didn’t catch the commentator’s name (actually it was an “interviewee”) but it was Fox News. The person speaking was a criminal profiler and she was talking about the development of sociopathy.


She addressed the escalation in behaviors exhibited by Cho, the Virginia Tech killer. He had been on the campus for a long enough period of time to set fire in his dorm room, stalk women, and terrorize his classmates in other ways. Yet nothing of any consequence had been done to convince him to change his behavior, or remove his opportunities to infringe upon the rights of those who shared space with him. And each time he was allowed to get away with something, the message was “Nobody cares and I can do what I want to do!” One way or the other, he was going to test the boundaries and get people’s attention. This was the message of the criminal profiler I heard on television… although I wholeheartedly agree with her.


How many times have we parents sung that song? How many times do we attempt to restrict the privileges or freedoms of a child who is taking advantage of those perks, or worse, using them to harm others? And how many times have we heard “You’re too hard on that child!” or “If you would just lighten up, he’d be fine!”


I remember hearing a saying when I was a child… “Your rights end where mine begin.” If we as parents make decisions about our kids that might take into consideration the rights of the family as a whole, not just the rights of the child, we are criticized. And few people seem to understand that restricting the freedoms of a child who can’t handle those freedoms is that child’s best chance of developing the ability to co-exist appropriately with other human beings.


Cho was also described as "arrogant, obnoxious and deeply insecure" by one of his professors. (Does that sound familiar to anyone?) I think people are perfectly within reason to restrict their exposure to arrogant and obnoxious individuals... and this dovetails perfectly with my next post describing the Love and Logic Institute's approach to developing a positive self-concept. I'll give you a clue... It isn't by providing them everything they want with no strings attached...

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