It is mid-afternoon now, and I am back from the Emergency Vet clinic. My friend Lisa drove me there to bring Lexie home. Lexie is on a blanket in my kitchen, fading fast. I have cried for two days, and Beth grasped the gravity of the situation when she saw Lexie’s condition this afternoon. My energetic and enthusiastic Rottie is barely able to walk, still has vomiting and diarrhea in spite of nothing orally for days, and looks very miserable. I have an IV drip going on her, and antibiotics and anti-emetics (to stop vomiting) to give IV as well.


I called my oncology professor from vet school… a twenty-five year old connection that I pulled out once before when I had a dog with cancer… my last Rottie. Lexie’s ultrasound this morning showed a bladder and kidney infection as well as a 4 inch segment of thickened bowel… probably the primary problem. It could be inflammatory or infiltrative… the latter meaning cancer. I hope to get some guidance from my professor about what options, if any, we have. I’m thinking we don’t have many. I can’t stand to see her so sick and her age, breed and clinical signs are not in our favor.


I have called Kyle and Stephanie, and cried on the phone with Steph. How tough for her to be away at school and not able to be here. I have observed Beth’s deep and appropriate reaction and, in the midst of my grief, recognized how healthy Beth’s response has been. She’s attached to this dog, as we all are. She is not afraid to feel her pain, and moreover, she's not afraid to show it. And she sees the dog’s pain.


Unless I get some magic solutions from the two vets with whom I will consult, I don’t expect to drag this out much longer. I’ve been on both sides of the table in this situation… and it’s the pits. I don’t know what to do with myself… so I’ll write. Writing has always been therapeutic for me.



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