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Following on the heels of the previous post about our realities vs. the realities of the “average family” … my morning started off a bit badly …
Beth has choir before school on Tuesdays. The neighbor girl does, too. My neighbor has repeatedly offered to drive Beth at any time for any reason and we are not on a “tit for tat” schedule. Since Dora has been here ever since choir started, I have yet to drive the girls to choir. I never know how the morning will unfold … Yesterday, for example, was to be Dora’s first longer day at school, but a morning meltdown required a change of plans.
We called the neighbor several times this morning; at first we got the answering machine and then her son told us she had already left for school. So I drove Beth to choir in my pj’s. I have no idea if my neighbor simply forgot, is angry with me, feels like I should be driving, thought we left for the ATTACh conference already, or what. I have called her home phone and cell phone repeatedly, but received no answer.
When I returned, she and my next-door neighbor were at the bus stop (with the non-choir kids) and they were chatting away as usual. They connect every morning and every night as the kids get off the bus. Part of me is pea-green jealous and wants to walk down there, and part of me realizes that what is going on in my life has no bearing on what is going on in theirs. One of them has health issues, so that is not to say their lives are simple. But they “click” better with each other than with me … and so it goes. I blogged about this once before. Who would think I’d be missing the opportunity to wash a horse?
My group of ATN friends has often discussed how much we’d like to buy a neighborhood and all move around each other. I find it very, very hard to find friends with the experiences and the depth that I seek in a friendship. I am excited to go to Rhode Island tomorrow and connect with many of my ATN friends, because it is there that I will really get my tanked filled. It is there where I can be completely understood. Where else can a person go and hang out with the Dali Lama Mamas of the world?
Yes, it is hard. Everytime I go to a get together, baby shower, barbecue (ok..haha…it DOES happen once in awhile), I’ve realized that no one really wants an answer to that question “How is DS?”/”How are you?” If I say anymore than “Fine” they get a terrified look in their eyes. If I talk about everyday things, I falter…because my everyday is a constant whirlwind. I just can’t fake normalcy, and what my day does entail, scares even the closest of friends.
DH, the boards, your blog, and you fill my tank Nancy. Because this is my reality.
I hope your neighbor is just busy, and I hope you have a wonderful time at the conference.
I get so sick of trying to be “freakin perky” about everything so the other Mommies won’t be scared or offended. Harsh I know! If I didn’t have this blog to read, I’d lose my mind. I’d believe the outspoken members of my extended family [childless--all of them] who think my S’s trouble are MY fault! I adopted him at 8!! Our “normal” is their nightmare. I also want to slap the next sactimonious person who says “I could never do all that you do” as if I have a choice but to cope!!! LOL! Yes, I WOULD do it all again. My son–problems and all–is worth it! Don’t get ME stated on schools or the question “what were his REAL parents like?” lol…….
Since I started my Lay Academy class, I have been deepening friendships with “non RAD” people, and it’s pretty amazing. They all know my story and our issues with Sammy, and generally don’t ask about him unless I bring it up.
In some ways, it’s very nice to not have to talk about it all the time. At the same time it’s easier to not talk about things all the time since Sammy doesn’t live at home and I’m not dealing with chaos every day.