Continuing with some of the ideas mentioned in the article The correlation between sense of humor and mental health, the following paragraph really grabbed my attention:

People with great mental health have a high self-esteem, strong sociable encouragement, and are members of warm, compassionate families (Zeman, 2003). Maintaining mental health over time is extremely important; however, risk factors exist for mental illnesses. Preserving mental health can be accomplished by three characteristics. First, having a low risk of disease or disability; second, functioning well, both mentally and physically; and finally, being fully engaged with life (Qualls, 2002). There are three main categories of risk factors for mental illness. Genetics can influence mental health by delaying development, causing physical illness, or producing a low IQ, which may result in problems in communication and academic failure. Another risk factor is the family and close relationships. Parental conflict, inconsistent discipline, abuse, loss of friendships, and parental mental illness are all factors that may lead to mental illness. External factors that may cause mental illness include socioeconomic status, discrimination, and poor education (Zeman, 2003).

There are several things about this paragraph that apply to my experiences with my children. By the same token, noticeably absent is any specific mention of attachment strains, although “family and close relationships” and “abuse” touch upon the population of kids served by the Attachment & Trauma Network.


I especially like the first sentence … People with great mental health have a high self-esteem, strong sociable encouragement, and are members of warm, compassionate families. Amy has non-existent self-esteem but was most certainly part of a warm, compassionate family. Another phrase that popped out at me was “being fully engaged with life.” How can I describe Amy’s approach to life? My favorite explanation is that she faces life as something to be endured, not lived. Most definitely, she is barely engaged at all.


For some reason at the dinner table tonight, my husband and I were remembering an assignment Amy had one year from school. I believe she was in middle school. The assignment was to have her family name four things she enjoyed doing and/or did well. I honestly can’t remember which it was, but I think it was things she enjoyed doing. It required my husband, myself and Kyle and Marie spending two days seriously putting our heads together before we could come up with four things. I am not exaggerating. We weren’t trying to be mean … in fact, quite the opposite. We tried to be as charitable as we could. We finally listed cooking (she didn’t ever initiate it but occasionally would help prepare dinner), reading (books significantly below her grade level that she read over and over), playing with the dogs (she very occasionally petted them, although she didn’t seem to even know we had dogs until around middle school age), and listening to music (on a CD player, not engaging in music lessons or dance lessons or doing anything with music.) Truly, that was the best we could do. That is what I call NOT engaged in life.


As we "reminisced" (not a very good use of that word), we marveled at the fact that she even brought us that assignment. I wonder what she thought we should say?


You know, it makes me incredibly sad that what I have to write about Amy is always such a downer. I do love this kid ... and I do wish there was something else to say. It is those of you who read this blog who really do understand just how much I wish there was more to say.


Photo of Amy after being awakened on Christmas Day just in time for an early afternoon meal. For the umpteenth year, she had nothing to give anyone for Christmas, so she was not part of the gift exchange that morning.