While in my previous blog I admonished you to beware the antiquated advice, sometimes the old folks really have it right. Also at my workshop last night was an 85-year-old woman, the mom of one of the foster dads also present. This wise elderly lady approached me after the talk and wanted to discuss a personal situation. Apparently this woman lived next to a dad/stepmom family that included a 14-year-old boy. This boy was apparently already dabbling in crime, handling knives, etc. Stepmom was parenting him the same way she had handled her healthy older kids, and she was not making much progress… but she was clearly in denial. This young man’s history included a birthmom who had not met his needs early on… thus he ended up in dad’s care.


The elderly woman wanted to know if she should approach this neighbor, and if so, how should she approach her? During my presentation I had talked about parents being in denial and how difficult it can be sometimes to get people to recognize how truly disturbed their kids really are. All you can do is offer resources and hope at some point the parent recognizes they (and their child) need help and are willing and able to reach out to find it. This kind grandma was about to move away from the neighbor and was concerned for them.


I also have to share a couple of the comments that slipped out of this woman’s mouth… she was so funny! She mentioned how this neighbor boy was already meeting some of the community’s local constabulary… and Grandma pointed out “I have diapered all of the cops around there!” She went on to tell me she recently took an ambulance ride and she had also “diapered the EMT” who tended to her on the way to the hospital… a place she hadn’t visited since she had her children because “every time I went they gave me a baby so I quit going!”


While I appreciate this kind woman’s concern for her neighbors, they need to take the initiative and address their own “elephant in the living room.” For tips on how to find a good adoption therapist, check out this great article.


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