A couple of days ago, this story about a young woman who recently died from cancer was featured on the front page of our local paper, the Kansas City Star.


Here’s yet another story about her…


Although as a parent it was a tough read, I found myself quickly drawn into it. The story is about an 18 year old high school senior, Ally, who recently lost her 4 year battle with cancer. The entire story is centered on this theme, as quoted from the paper:

But here’s the thing: Ally wasn’t about being sick. She didn’t want her cancer to define her, or for anyone to show pity.


She wanted her funeral to be a happy day. And everything should be pink.


Make sure you’re not sad, she’d tell family and friends. Make it a day of celebration.


Typical Ally.


“It was never, ‘Poor me,’” said her mom, Pat Woodbury. “It was always, ‘What can I do?’ ” 

This incredibly sad story about a life cut down in its prime ends up being a testimonial to a child who impacted so many people in such a positive way. Talk about making lemonade out of lemons… this young woman was so amazing.


And here’s the rub… every single time I read stories like this, my mind goes to another young woman I know… Amy. I don’t want to go there… I don’t want to make comparisons… but I can’t help it. I can’t help but wonder why someone like Ally can live life so fully, so happily, so enthusiastically, so without bitterness… and my daughter was never able to embrace any of the good things that ever happened to her, much less integrate the negative things.


There’s a thread on the FRUA board going about this right now… about a child whose “glass is half empty”. The parent wants to know what to do about it? I resisted answering because I never found any solution for refocusing my daughter. But another parent answered how hard they have been working to change their son’s negative views, and how unsuccessful they have been thus far. (And this responding parent validated what a drag it is to live with someone like that…) So I added my two cents and posted that my daughter hasn’t budged an inch in this regard. Wait, perhaps that’s not totally fair… I do recall her saying something at Christmas regarding some dawning realizations about how good she had it at home. I have not seen any concrete evidence that her light bulb is flickering… but so she says…


I spoke with a mom this morning as we brainstormed ways to approach her young child, and she said to me something many people have said to me… “I don’t know how you survived all those years with a child who responded the way Amy did. I couldn’t do it.” My answer has always been… what choices did I have? Believe me, I looked at all the options I could find. We farmed her out every summer from age 14 on for at least a couple of weeks so we could all get a break from the day in, day out, moment-to-moment existence with someone who hated every minute of every day. It is an incredible drag to live with someone like that.




And when I read about people like Ally, I wonder… what makes one child land on one side of the Bell curve and one land on the other? I personally think it has to do with genetics, choices, and life experiences... and how they all come together. What do you think?

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