Beth was quite the hit at the NACAC conference last week. She was outgoing and charming without being manipulative. She had most of the other exhibitors eating out of her hand, and showed me on the plane ride home the light-up pin given to her by “the Pin Man”. At a reception held on Thursday night, she played pool with a couple of “older” boys, and proudly informed her dad via telephone that she won one game! In response to his question of “How many games did you play?” she didn’t hesitate to say, “Twenty!” The next day, even more folks who connected me with Beth commented on how she held her own with the boys but did nothing inappropriate.


She manned the booth upon occasion and quietly read when she wasn’t needed. More than one person commented on how well she managed herself … and a couple of moms expressed hope that their children would achieve that degree of self control. And yet, when the opportunity presented itself, Beth was quite able to ramp it up, including playing with our zebra balloons with much gusto, encouraged and joined in play by my new friend Mark … a middle-aged grey-bearded guy who could play as enthusiastically as any child! It was hilarious to watch.


And here’s the real kicker … Several people also recognized how extroverted and out-going and potentially overzealous my awesome daughter can be, and noted how that behavior would be challenging for some moms. I had to laugh, because that is one of the many aspects to Beth that I most enjoy. And that is precisely why Mark enjoyed her so much … because he is like me and we are both like her. (I showed Beth what I was writing and she insisted I interject that Mark liked me, too!) I don’t find her exuberance to be off-putting at all—I rejoice in it! That is one reason why we are such a good fit, and why she was a poor fit for her first adoptive family. Her first adoptive mom would be mortified by Beth’s innate personality, and that would be so difficult for both of them. As I have noted before, I suspect most of China would be mortified by Beth’s behavior and would have worked hard to extinguish her enthusiasm. How sad is that?


Goodness of fit is critical. I wouldn’t have believed it twenty years ago, but I do now. I don’t believe it is possible to insure a good fit all the time, and I’m not even sure one can assess biological parents adequately enough to “match” kids with adoptive parents. There are too many variables. But when the fit is poor, it can sure exacerbate other issues that might be overcome in families where the parents and child match more closely.


I was incredibly proud of my daughter and quite honored to be her mom this past week. She’s one cool kid and I am one lucky and happy mom.


Photo taken on the plane ride to Tampa, using the wonders of cell phone cameras.