I wouldn’t have given you a nickel for this morning. I couldn’t function without bursting into tears. I didn’t have to step over a 75 pound dog when I awoke, and oh, how I missed her. I only had three dogs to let outside. Feeding time was very difficult. Fewer pills to dispense for old dogs, fewer drooling and attentive faces watching me prepare the food, fewer bowls to fill.


Walking with half my usual team—two dogs on a coupler—will take some getting used to. I can’t tell you the number of miles those two old dogs have walked with me. I participated in the Avon Breast Cancer 3-day walk for two years in a row, in the early part of this decade. Lexie and Chance were younger, and they happily trained along with me. It was especially fun the first year, when we regularly walked and trained with a group of 30-40 women. By the month before the big event, we were walking 25-30 miles or more each weekend and another 10 or more during the week. That’s a lot of miles. Those two dogs would leap into my car at 6 AM, happy as clams that we were going to spend the day on the move again. More than once we hit McDonald’s on the way home and they each got a cheeseburger—something that I RARELY did, being the vet that I am!




These days, two miles around my neighborhood was all either of them could muster. But they still loved that. Chance still goes with me, but it sure feels different.


As I work through my grief and loss, I can’t help but relate my feelings to those of our kids. If I feel this much loss over a beloved pet, what must our kids feel about the losses of significant people in their lives?


Here is something else that I have been processing all day… I will be getting another Rottie forthwith. To some it may seem inappropriate if I don’t mourn my loss for a period of time. But to me, it isn’t replacing Lexie, it is honoring her by acknowledging what a significant pleasure she was for me, filling my tank and following me around and giving me such joy. I want that joy again. I know the benefits of puppy love and I am willing to risk the loss yet again, because of the pleasure that comes from the love. And having another Rottie will not diminish my love of Lexie, or my memories of her, but it will help ease me through my grief.


That is the view I take with Beth. I don’t expect her not to grieve her past losses, most especially the loss of her birthmother. Beth can love me, embrace her life with me, and still mourn her losses. They are not mutually exclusive. And with my love and my physical presence and support, perhaps I can help ease her through her losses. She is a gift to me, and that is a gift I can give to her.


Stay tuned for info on the dogs we are considering. And thanks to so many of you for your hugs and condolences through this tough few days.