Beth and I did errands today and then had our teeth cleaned; next we met her teacher for this year, and visited her teacher from last year. The school had a cookout and had all kinds of inflatable water toys on the playground for the kids to enjoy. It is so beastly hot here we haven’t been walking the dogs much or riding the horses … we have been hunkering down inside.


It has been just the two of us for several days, as my husband and Steph were in Minnesota with Kyle and Marie, watching the Kansas City Chiefs at training camp. Sure sounded like a good time to me … but I had to pass—darn! Beth and I have had a blast. She’s just plain fun to be around. After eating at the cookout at school, we came home and polished off the last of our homemade salsa (grown with tomatoes lovingly watered by Beth) and washed it down with root beer floats (fat free ice cream and diet soda!) As we were stuffing our faces, Beth came up with a couple of great Beth-isms … She’s famous for throwing out words that might fit perfectly, might fit a little, or don’t fit at all … you never know what you are going to get. But I love it that she’s confident enough to throw out the words!


As Beth watched Reilly, the Border collie, get bent out of shape about something, she said, “She must be on her period!” I burst out laughing and then informed Beth that Reilly didn’t have periods, she was spayed. “Oh, she had her femur out, like you!!!” By this time I was rolling on the floor. I had recently named the bones in her arms and legs for her, so apparently “femur” was right up there at the top of her brain somewhere! So after I caught my breath, I told her the word she was looking for was “uterus”, not femur!


At the school social tonight, I spoke with two other moms with adopted kids. One didn’t know my attachment connections, and was thrilled to have a local contact. She’s parenting three sib boys from EE. The other mom has two Chinese daughters. I mentioned we might be adding another child as well. The second mom commented, “Well, Beth is healed, isn’t she?” I confirmed that she was, indeed, a healed and healthy child. But I also acknowledged that we continue to process her grief and loss on a fairly regular basis. The second mom said that her daughters wouldn't talk to her about their losses ... she asks if there is anything bothering them and they said, "No!" It was a surprise to this mom that my healed child still has losses … but it is part of our reality, isn’t it?

I liked my neighbor's comment when we discussed getting your kids to spill their feelings. She says she tells her bottled-up (bio) daughter ... "You can talk about what you're feeling now or now!"

Grief and loss associated with adoption


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