One of my biggest complaints about “the system” as it stands now is that parents are woefully unprepared for the reality of integrating attachment and trauma-affected kids, and then those same parents are further tethered in their ability to parent by a society that shuns anything remotely “outside the box” in terms of parenting freedoms.

This series of pictures recently crossed my desk. I cannot credit it to one particular source … it is one of those emails that is forwarded from one person to the next at random. I just had to share it with you, though, as few parents would appreciate it as much as those who read this blog.

This would be an example of what I call “healthy shame.” It is a term I first heard used by Daniel Hughes. It didn’t used to be considered punitive or illegal or grounds for being called on the carpet by social services when a parent allowed a child to feel the shame associated with a poor decision.

Last year my family hosted a foreign exchange student from China. Her stories about how the Chinese schools used shame to keep the kids in line bothered even my tough old ears. A child showing up late for school one day might have to stand on the front steps of the school for several hours before being allowed to enter the building.

Is this young man’s “sentence” unfair? Is stealing equivalent to being a few minutes late for class? Is his mom being unreasonable in hoping her son does not follow his dad’s example? For sure, this mom is thinking outside the box. Maybe her strategy will work, maybe not. Nevertheless, she is sending a powerful message of investment, hope for the future, and concern about her son’s choices. She is there … fulfilling his sentence with him. The consequence for his action isn’t just about having to stand in public with a sign—it is about her powerful message that while his choices will determine his future, she is there guiding him along the way.