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In addition to asking, “How do you know if your child is attached?” here, I also queried the readers of the FRUA board. There have been some wonderful responses, and I have permission to share a few of them with you. I was going to cut and paste individual comments, but when I started with the first one, the information was so awesome I decided to share it all with you:
The behaviors I don’t see with my daughter anymore — in other words, behaviors that are GONE:
*Tantrums — from lots to just a few. She still has an occasional tantrum, but nothing like before therapy
*Crazy lying
*Bowel and bladder issues
*Very independent — still acts independent, and my friends SWEAR she is, but I know differently. It’s an act, she’s trying to look independent to them, but I know she’s not.
*Destructive — like a 2-3 year old (she’s now 7)
*Trouble controlling anger and loud angry outbursts. This was really fear-based.Now that we’ve gone through therapy and regressed her for months, she’s much more laid back. She’s still a terrible perfectionist, and I’m hoping that’ll subside at least some.
In the end tho, I truly believe that “attachment” issues will never really go away. It’s part of her past. We all have some trauma in our past and it shapes who we are today. I think any child that has suffered neglect, abuse, etc. and has suffered attachment issues will always have some trust issues.
I KNOW she still worries more than she should about what we think of her. She gets upset about things and has a hard time talking to us about them. Many times she won’t tell us what is wrong because she’s afraid we’ll be mad or disappointed in her and I have no clue WHY she would feel this way. My only thought is she’s afraid we’ll leave her if she isn’t perfect. This behavior is slowly getting better, but it’s a very slow progression.
I hope with time, her attachment to us will become stronger and hopefully she’ll really realize, with all her heart, that we’ll always be there for her. But I can’t make her feel that way. I can only reassure her and pray that all works out for the best.
Many thanks to Diferris1 for her insightful comments. Her description of her daughter so describes my Beth that I wanted to share her complete post.
More to come on this topic!
