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Yesterday was another lost day… I felt pretty good during the day Tuesday but by evening was sneezing repeatedly and clearly getting a cold. I went to bed early and awoke yesterday feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I have SO much to do, but decided to listen to what my body was telling me and stay in bed. So I did. I am a cabin leader this weekend at the high school church retreat, sharing responsibility for 16 high school juniors and seniors with one other cabin leader—a college student. So I will definitely be the “old lady”. I was afraid if I didn’t chill out yesterday I wouldn’t be able to go this weekend. It is very hard for me to spend the day doing nothing!
Yesterday was a special day, too. It marked the seven year anniversary of Beth’s joining our family. She trick-or-treated with her first adoptive family and then arrived at our home the next morning. She turns ten in two weeks. What a wonderful seven years it has been.
It was also Halloween night in 1989 that my husband and I arrived home to the Indianapolis airport with Amy in tow. Seventeen years ago… What a challenging and difficult seventeen years it has been…
How ironic that both arrived within twelve hours of one another, ten years apart.
When my folks were here, we picked up Amy and took her to dinner one night… spending about two hours with her at Olive Garden. She had little to say, mostly inquiring what everyone wanted for Christmas and informing me how much time, energy and effort she was putting into everyone’s Christmas. Another irony, since she has systematically refused to participate in any holiday or birthday celebrations for pretty much the entire time she has lived with us. Or if she buys something, it is typically candy or some quick and easy trinket so she could say she did something. From my perspective, buying for someone else is about doing it to please them, not doing it to announce to the world that you are doing it… Several times she volunteered to come to the house and help us unpack, but I thanked her and said we were doing fine. I have no interest in having her here, I’m very sorry to say. I was surprised to find my folks felt basically the same way. My dad wrote her a passionate, heartfelt letter after we visited them in August and he specifically requested a response. Of course he didn’t get one, and that cost Amy dearly… he had been the most tolerant of her poor choices. My mom gets it pretty clearly now and has for awhile. The only family members still putting out much effort on Amy’s behalf are Kyle and Marie.
I wonder if Amy “gets it” and thinks about how many times, how many zillions of times, I tried to get her to engage, make changes, do things differently. Does she return to her apartment after her fast food shift and think at all about her past choices? Or does she remain in shut-down, 3P Me (poor, poor, pitiful me) mode? I wonder… I really don’t know. I do think she is shocked to find herself not seeing the family much, unless she makes it happen. When she lived with us, she was a part of some things by default. Now the burden is on her to make herself someone we want to be around. She has her work cut out for her…
