In the last post I listed four different categories of therapists or social workers as described by Foster Cline. I closed by promising to share Foster’s thoughts on how to differentiate between a good therapist who appears abusive and an abusive person who works as a therapist.


Foster lists the following suggestions for assessing a therapist:


• Assess the therapist’s home life and family. If they are married, is it a successful marriage? Do they have children, and if so, are they well-behaved? Of course, it might be difficult to have an opportunity to see these interactions, but some information can be gained during the course of therapy and conversation. Foster believes it will be difficult for a therapist to “take a patient beyond a level at which they live themselves.”


• Foster believes most good people are genuinely humble, and he cites Abraham Lincoln as the prototype.


• Good therapists are not afraid of second opinions. This axiom holds true whenever one is assessing the competence and confidence of many service providers. When I was a practicing veterinarian, I was occasionally in a position of offering a second opinion or having a client request a second opinion. This is not a bad approach when decisions have significant consequences! Foster also suggests that good therapists are “up front” about what they do and not afraid to have some folks disagree with them.


• Good therapists can and will provide a list of previous families/patients and encourage prospective new patients to contact them.


• Foster’s fifth point states: “It is essential that the therapist opens all he or she does to the public, particularly if the methods could be misused or misconstrued.”


• Lastly, Foster believes the work of good therapists should speak for itself… a “track record” of success. I must add, however, that success with “these kids” can be as difficult to measure for the therapist as for the parents. I would hate for any of Amy’s therapists to think they were ineffective at what they did, given that my daughter stated, “I know what I need to do but I don’t want to do it!” No therapist can circumvent that attitude.



The climate for attachment therapy has always been controversial. But I have to say, the therapists that I know who do stellar work fit many or most of the criteria listed above. They don’t have Beaver Cleaver lives, but they face their trials and tribulations with honesty and integrity. They treat people with respect but hold them accountable. They are open to suggestions and listen to the parents as well as other therapists. They are, most certainly, humble and realistic about their roles and their limitations.


And guess what? The most successful parents I have met are the exact same way.


Nancy Thomas has an article listing the goals of an attachment therapist.

Photo Credit